Compulsive Eating, Emotional Avoidance, and ADHD- How My Cookie Crumbles

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Addiction and Obsession, Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Healthy Weight Loss & Lifestyle, Overcoming Ourselves, Uncategorized

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So, last night I went to bed pregnant and bloated like a tightly stretched animal hive over an overblown balloon. I did this to myself. Again. I hated myself. Again. I ate that peach cuz fruit is good for you, and then those edamame seeds with the lemon and sea salt cuz that’s healthy too, and then some chocolate-covered raisins cuz my son put them in the grocery cart and why not, and then some salmon with the garlic and lemon and olive oil; and then some watermelon cuz that’s practically like drinking water, and then there was some of this and that left on the counter and we wouldn’t want to throw that away, and then in the fridge there was that almost-empty tubberware taking needed space so we’ll just finish that off; and, you know, those potatoes were really good hot and I wonder how they’d be cold, and oh-I’d-better-eat-my-last-thing-for-the-night-cuz-it’s-getting-late, but then two hours later my son and his friend have made this deep-fried-something-awful crap but they are sitting there laughing and talking so cutely and I want to be part of that energy, and well… Here we are.

I know now. I know this gremlin. I see it happening, stuck on repeat, like a train wreck in slow motion, and I keep recreating this undesired reality. This time my daughter is really pissing me off and that time I’m overwhelmed with all that I have to do; this time I just have the munchies and that other time there was this sensation in my abdominal region and I thought the translation may just be hunger so just to be sure, you know, I’ll go eat.  And I keep telling myself stories and reasoning my way through this poorly written script, cast in an undesirable role in a play I never signed up for. Here we are.

Chronic Pain and Body Malfunction- The Impossibility of Doing Nothing- Part Six

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Addiction and Obsession, Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Enlightened Learning, Healthy Weight Loss & Lifestyle, Overcoming Ourselves, Who Is Gabi Klaf?

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THE IMPOSSIBILITY OF DOING NOTHING: That’s what’s so hard here. Not only do I feel totally frustrated. You may as well put me in diapers now. It’s maddening to be constantly correcting yourself over things that you never, ever even gave thought to. And it’s stuff in your face all day long. Remember, I cannot sit, stand, walk, or pick up things correctly. That’s a shitload of correctiveness for one person. And then- the exercises.

A- They are not exercises that I can do and check off my to do list. They are a way of life. Well damn, that’s never getting checked off is it?

B- It’s not Eye of the Tiger go do it! Be strong! Conquer. That’s what got me into a lot of this mess, or exasperated it times 300. My way to get over my addiction was to run, work out, push myself, tone up like a madman. And I was.

My Addiction- Accepting and Releasing: Part 9

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Addiction and Obsession, Overcoming Ourselves, Who Is Gabi Klaf?

gabi klaf, health and wellness coach, healthy lifestyle coach, family therapsy, mom blog, healthy weight loss for busy moms and dads, inspiration, energy healing, parenting, mindful parenting, clean your soul, inspiration for life,addiction and obsession,

“I shall go the way of the open sea, to the land I knew before you came, and the cool ocean breezes shall blow me from the memory of your name.” Laurence Hope

I’m spending a lot of time facing the Pacific Ocean, and sometimes; I feel that way. That I wish it just never happened, I wish I had not fallen into that whirlwind, I wish my soul did not connect so deeply/need so badly/love so fully the heart/space/addiction/drug of that which was. Do you ever wish you could erase that addiction, that drug, that alcohol, that entire phase in your life where you lost touch with reality to something that gave you that adrenaline rush that you thought was real? Sometimes, I still wish I could erase all that was, that it would have never existed, for surely the pain I have gone through filling the void where my addiction once so significantly stood; has been soul-wrenching. But then a stronger knowing comes….

How To Live With Your Addiction- Woo Away, I’m Not Falling For It

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Addiction and Obsession, Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Overcoming Ourselves

gabi klaf, health and wellness coach, healthy lifestyle coach, family therapsy, mom blog, healthy weight loss for busy moms and dads, inspiration, energy healing, parenting, mindful parenting, addiction and obsession, clean your soul, inspiration for life

It just hit me so hard I can’t breath. Can’t. Breathe. I’m drowning. Rolling down, down, down into it, groping for air, for some root to hold onto to keep me in the sunshine, but the sun is gone and the roots have all rotted. I was just now sitting there smiling at my life, looking at my loving husband with admiration and gratitude, cherishing the gentle touch of my child’s sweet words, and then BAM! It’s back. I thought we were over this? You know exactly what I’m talking about. Your version may be different, may be more colorful, messier, and still impossible to explain to anyone who hasn’t been through it, but you know. You feel his finger grazing your thigh, you smell that which reminds you how that drug/alcohol/person used to make you feel, you hear that song and it brings you back to a you who was so much more alive and beautiful, not the you in the mirror today. And all around you, all the blessings and logic and love in your life, vanish, vacuumed up into an abyss of never-again’s and what-if’s that you know simply no longer have a place in your life.

And yet it won’t go away. It won’t.

Would you almost lose it all again for this addiction? Do you remember how insane you got last time? 

No, I would not. Yes, I do. I do. I do.

Dear Lilly- A Love Letter from a Father to His Daughter

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Addiction and Obsession, Enlightened Learning, Inspiration and Appreciation, Parenting and Family Relations

gabi klaf, health and wellness coach, healthy lifestyle coach, family therapsy, mom blog, healthy weight loss for busy moms and dads, inspiration, energy healing, parenting, mindful parenting, clean your soul, inspiration for life
GabiKlaf.com has brought amazing people into my life. People who radiate and flow in the same frequency that I do , that we do. One such person is Pete Giargente (aka: Peter Greyson). He is just a dad, like any other dad, who is doing the best he can. This dad in particular spends a lot of time talking about his addictions, his slimy ways with women, his life choices that got him a lot of what he wanted in life and hurt many a young ladies along the way. He shares this in a love letter to his daughter Lilly, and found out that a lot of people are inspired by his story. His book, Dear Lilly, shares in angle we would have never imagined the truths that some of us women need to hear. Maybe it can bring some closure to those of us who believed sweet lies that left our hearts broken. Maybe his work can inspire other young teenage girls out there to know that we all seek love, being seen, being touched, feeling special, and unfortunately, even those with the sweet eyes and tender fingers and smile, can lie to get what he wants. And broken hearts (or worse)  don’t happen to someone else, but to us.

15 Ways to Stop Re-Creating Pain

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Addiction and Obsession, Buddhism, Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Overcoming Ourselves


We do it. We all do. At least, all the people I know do. We create pain in our lives, we recycle painful memories, we keep re-creating the thoughts and push on the pain buttons of our soul that hurt. And why? To relieve pain? To reach solutions? To work through the problems? No. Maybe we think that that is what we are doing, but we’re not. We’re just making the sores ooze, and take some sick pleasurable comfort in feeling our own pain. Like my dear friend Karen says, “It’s like watching a train wreck, in slow motion, over and over again; and not being able to stop watching that.”

So, using the inspiration of Vietnamese Zen Teacher Thich Nhat Hanh, I bring you 15 Ways To Stop Re-Creating Pain. It has  helped me a great deal.

Conscious Suffering- How I Drag Myself Back Down

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Addiction and Obsession, Buddhism, Overcoming Ourselves

And I hug myself, again, as I witness me walking right into my own hand-made drama, again. Enlightened? (Sigh) A bit more. At Peace? No. There? Probably never. As Cat used to lovingly say, “There will always be a bathtub more of spiritual work to do.” I am calmer, more full of light than I have ever been in my life; and still, my addiction, that one story, I can’t let go of. Not yet. I guess I have more to learn. And so, I search in Buddhism, Quantum Physics, and deep within the oceans of myself.

I have lived on the lip of insanity,
wanting to know reasons,
knocking on a door. It opens.
I’ve been knocking from the inside. – Rumi

Buddhism says our senses, and the consciousnesses that come from that, create a direct path to our suffering. How do my senses drag me back down? I’m looking for some guidance for me, and maybe for you, too. 

Part 7- My Addiction: Ricochets of Pain

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Addiction and Obsession, Overcoming Ourselves

Every time I think we are done, I’ve solved it, we are cure/clean/free; it comes back. Like a possessed boomerang with a dying affinity to my soul, it shoots up from around the corner and hits me, hard. I could be enjoying a carefree moment, basking in joyful whatever and then, boom! a thought comes up, and I’m galloping down my road to misery. The other night, I went out dancing and was having the best time. I closed my eyes for a moment, and boom! it hit me like a huge spiritual punch to the stomach. These days I can catch it (usually) as what it is: ricochets of pain still unresolved begging to be acknowledged.

And so I’ve tried a few interesting things that all have had a ridiculously short shelf-life, but have had their respectable place in my getting over the most painful addiction/loss I’ve ever had to face.

Basking In My Own Light- My Addiction- Part 6

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Addiction and Obsession, Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Overcoming Ourselves

As I work on rebuilding myself, on recreating the ‘who I am’ without some strong external influence supporting that; I find I need help. I need something to inspire my soul, to push me forward when I feel like sinking down between the rocks of despair. That, exactly that, is what we are meant to do, over and over and over again in our lives. We are meant to redefine, rediscover, rebirth ourselves. We are not meant to grasp to those roles, accomplishments, relationships that define who we are. We are meant to go faaaar out of our comfort zone and be naked, again, figuring out who we are now, and again now, and again now- new every minute. And so, this process has left me naked, but seeking. Here is the light that I am creating, for me, naked, to bask in. They inspire, uplift, and direct me to exactly the direction (I think) I am meant to follow.

Part 5: My Addiction:Seeing the Light Reflected Off Myself

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Addiction and Obsession, Overcoming Ourselves

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my addiction- seeing the light reflected off myself

“Little darling, it’s been a long cold lonely winter.
Little darling, it feels like years since it’s been here
Here comes the sun,
Here comes the sun, and I say
It’s all right….”

So, the sun is beginning to shine in my little inner world. I am beginning to see the light of the Universe kindly, softly glowing within me. And that’s what this part is all about, it’s about bowing down to the beauty of what was and walking away, enlightened from it. That’s what life is about; what our painful growth should be about.