And I Was Here- Rebirthing Myself

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Overcoming Ourselves, Parenting and Family Relations, Who Is Gabi Klaf?

 

Green Leaf Plant on Brown Wooden Stump

And so it is, sometimes, or maybe all the time but we just don’t fully realize it… You’re this leaf, vibrant, swaying in the breeze, feeling so alive and lush and moist…. and then you fall, it all does, all at once, and you find yourself in a labyrinth of dryness, death, decay, and darkness. And as you lay there, with all the wind knocked out of you still trying to understand where alive went, you learn. You learn that this is also beautiful. You learn that this is also growth. You learn that this will catapult you on your spiritual journey much more than peace and serenity did. And so you breathe into this, too, and find out how this too can be alive, in different shades and from different directions than you planned but all the same, alive.

And so I’m going through all the lovely and gross, gently high and sharply low, and beautiful shades of being a mom, loving myself, and finding my way. It’s truly exquisite.

I Have Already Arrived- Seeing Butterflies & The Core Essence of What Is

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Chronic Pain and Living Pain-Free, Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Enlightened Learning, Healthy Weight Loss & Lifestyle, Inspiration and Appreciation, Overcoming Ourselves, Who Is Gabi Klaf?

gabi klaf, health and wellness coach, healthy lifestyle coach, family therapsy, mom blog, healthy weight loss for busy moms and dads, inspiration, energy healing, parenting, mindful parenting, clean your soul, inspiration for life,addiction and obsession, chronic pain, i've already arrived, seeing the butterflies

Butterflies dance and play before me. They flit and flutter and flirt with my soul. They always have, they always do. Sometimes, I just don’t see them. I’m a good student here on Earth School. I’ve failed several times and keep coming back to learn, EVER SO SLOWLY, my blessed lessons. I’ve been missing the butterflies cuz I keep going off somewhere else. Emotionally that is. Physically I’m very much in the room with you, or my kids, or my husband; but, emotionally I’m off far, far away in the past, the present, or in rejecting What Is.

I’ve long stopped believing that this product or that one would make me happy. I’ve long stopped holding my breath for this amount of money or fame to make me truly satisfied. I’ve graduated at least to grade three or four now. I’m currently figuring out that this course, this guru, this healing method, and that relationship won’t fix me. I still think people will make me whole and I’m desperately holding onto the idea that this exercise/diet/method will bring me a body that will be so damn sexy I won’t find any fault with it.

And now, I’m getting it. So many angels later, so many holograms smacking me upside the face later and I’m slowly getting it that I’VE ARRIVED ALREADY!

Chronic Pain and Body Malfunction- The Impossibility of Doing Nothing- Part Six

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Addiction and Obsession, Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Enlightened Learning, Healthy Weight Loss & Lifestyle, Overcoming Ourselves, Who Is Gabi Klaf?

gabi klaf, health and wellness coach, healthy lifestyle coach, family therapsy, mom blog, healthy weight loss for busy moms and dads, inspiration, energy healing, parenting, mindful parenting, clean your soul, inspiration for life,addiction and obsession,

THE IMPOSSIBILITY OF DOING NOTHING: That’s what’s so hard here. Not only do I feel totally frustrated. You may as well put me in diapers now. It’s maddening to be constantly correcting yourself over things that you never, ever even gave thought to. And it’s stuff in your face all day long. Remember, I cannot sit, stand, walk, or pick up things correctly. That’s a shitload of correctiveness for one person. And then- the exercises.

A- They are not exercises that I can do and check off my to do list. They are a way of life. Well damn, that’s never getting checked off is it?

B- It’s not Eye of the Tiger go do it! Be strong! Conquer. That’s what got me into a lot of this mess, or exasperated it times 300. My way to get over my addiction was to run, work out, push myself, tone up like a madman. And I was.

Chronic Pain and Body Malfunction- Overwhelm After The Confidence Wanes- Part Five

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Overcoming Ourselves, Who Is Gabi Klaf?

gabi klaf, health and wellness coach, healthy lifestyle coach, family therapsy, mom blog, healthy weight loss for busy moms and dads, inspiration, energy healing, parenting, mindful parenting, clean your soul, inspiration for life,addiction and obsession, chronic pain

I cannot straighten my body. I am locked, like a pretzel down, hunched, worse than what the cane-walking-elderly-lady-looks-like-in-an-old-movie hunched. I cannot stand. I have just watched an hour and a half movie. This happens whenever I sit for too long. I get trapped in my own tension. My body is chronically tight, wound up so taunt that it cannot even begin to imagine how to breathe it out. I was so empowered, so determined that I can do this, because I can. I can do anything. I got over the unspeakable abyss of insane desire, I will not give up in holding at bay this untamable beast, and I even lost 30 pounds. I can do anything. Anything. Anything, even at the cost of pissing off friends. At all costs, I can. Always.

And so, I was that excited, that woo-hoo-ing my journey, and like it came on so euphorically positive, it crashes that realistically negative. Can I do this?

Chronic Pain and Body Dysfunction- Falling Apart, Relearning & What Happens When you Mess With the Psoas- Part 4

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Chronic Pain and Living Pain-Free, Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Overcoming Ourselves

gabi klaf, health and wellness coach, healthy lifestyle coach, family therapsy, mom blog, healthy weight loss for busy moms and dads, inspiration, energy healing, parenting, mindful parenting, clean your soul, inspiration for life,addiction and obsession, chronic pain

This is not fun. And I was naive to think it would be fun. I thought it would be some more of my beloved Eye of the Tiger, hear me roar because I am that powerful kind of stuff. It’s not. It’s a slow, maddening being that feels like you are not doing anything. So, I have been doing a lot.

I’ve spent 3-6 hours a day relaxing my psoas and hearing an ocean of things drown me, crash me in waves that tore me to pieces. Who would think that meditating would leave me broken? I knew this from Vippasana, and thought, somehow that it would be different here. So, a couple of videos for you. They say it better than I ever could.

Falling Apart: The Storm of Emotions and Worthlessness That Pours Out When You Touch What was So Deeply Buried

AND

Relearning: The Challenge of Relearning how to Sit, Stand, Lean Over, and Walk

The Single Most Powerful Decision to Change Your Life

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Buddhism, Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Enlightened Learning, Inspiration and Appreciation

My heart is beating. I’m excited to find the soul space to write to you, again. So happy and excited and yet my heart beats from another space. A space that is rising to the challenge of observing my own beatingnessness. (Yes, I made that up!) I’ve been listening to a lot of Eckhart Tolle lately, mostly A New Earth, and in it he speaks of our ego’s need to reactivate the pain body, over and over and over again. And he talks about seeing it being activated and how, if we can create a quiet space from which to observe it, we create what he calls Presence. And so, I am in Presence as I see this, this extraordinary ability to hold on for just this second, and just this one, and just this one, ever now.

I am in Presence as I observe, “Oh look, Gabi dear, you are judging,” or “Oh note, darling Gabi, you are not in the present,” or best of all perhaps is, “Knock, knock, oh lovely one, you are feeding a pain body and you feel your heart beating like mad, and you feel that tightening in your chest, and you feel your chest and throat and sinew exploding inside, and now, darling, now, precisely now you stand before a blessed opportunity to learn and grow and observe the powerful work of an ego and a pain body trying to make you a victim, and you, dear one that you are, child of God, and full of light, you, dear one, you, and only you, can decide to observe or fall. Decide love.”

And I have. The  Single Most Powerful Decision to Change Your Life

Sixty Eight Days of Silence- What Happens When Life Flows So Fast You Begin To Drown

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Healthy Weight Loss & Lifestyle, Inspiration and Appreciation, Overcoming Ourselves, Vipassana Meditation, Who Is Gabi Klaf?

Oh my loves. How I’ve missed writing/sharing/being with you. Or have I just missed myself and how I reflect the light of who I am off your eyes when I write here? Hmmm…

How glorious would it have been to spend sixty eight days in utter silence? I did it for ten days in my first Vippasana Meditation outside of Battambang, Cambodia and there, was filled with such peace and three times, insights that made the entire puzzle of my life fit together. For those moments, those three times, looking up at at at at at stars, nothing but darkness and stars, crying, I felt all who I was, the energy of me, finally, deeply, truly taste freedom of body. I knew for a few minutes there that I am all frequency, that everything changes, and that I’m so deeply blessed to get to be a part of the life school.

Where Did You Go, My Love? Where Did You Go? Healing and Hiking- Katmandu, Nepal

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Healthy Weight Loss & Lifestyle, Inspiration and Appreciation, Who Is Gabi Klaf?

I have so much to say to you long-lost friend. I have so many half-written posts on draft that I just have to sit down and finish up for your reading pleasure. I have much to share and yet, in 100% honesty, I’d rather be strumming on the guitar. Why?

Cuz I have fears and I have things to do
and both don’t encourage me to sit too much on this blog, my soul-spot. Fears that I’ll be one of those old ladies with the bent back and shortened posture when I am still very young. I want to be sexy and alive and 30 pounds lights yoga master, model of natural living and health and meditation. I want to be my own goddess of body, mind, soul and my body thinks otherwise. I fear this. And so, try to move a lot and not be on the computer a third of the time I used to be.

When Your Body Doesn’t Do What You Want It To- Gratefulness, Overwhelm, and Determination – Part Two

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Chronic Pain and Living Pain-Free, Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Healthy Weight Loss & Lifestyle, Overcoming Ourselves, Who Is Gabi Klaf?

gabi klaf, health and wellness coach, healthy lifestyle coach, family therapsy, mom blog, healthy weight loss for busy moms and dads, inspiration, energy healing, parenting, mindful parenting, clean your soul, inspiration for life,addiction and obsession,

So, it’s much more serious than I thought. Basically, and I quote, ” What took you forty years to ruin, will take you a year of hard work to fix.” I can do that. I am determined and ready to do the work I need to make my body optimal. It’s crazy how I thought I was so healthy, so into raw food. I lost 30 pounds, toned my body, and have been eating such non-fried, not-too-much-carbs, very little meat and sugar sorts of food. So why did I just fumble around in Kobi’s backpack for the snickers bar that wasn’t there? And why did I feel like a crackhead in withdrawal with terrible shakes when this quick fix isn’t?

So, this journey is long and powerful and amazing. And I’m swishing and swashing like in a washing machine, being pulled and twisted between gratefulness at finally understanding the way to solve my life-long health issues, overwhelm when I realize how much there is before me and how hard this is to retrain every bit of who I am, and determination to face this mountain too, and overcome it.

How To Live With Your Addiction- Woo Away, I’m Not Falling For It

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Addiction and Obsession, Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Overcoming Ourselves

gabi klaf, health and wellness coach, healthy lifestyle coach, family therapsy, mom blog, healthy weight loss for busy moms and dads, inspiration, energy healing, parenting, mindful parenting, addiction and obsession, clean your soul, inspiration for life

It just hit me so hard I can’t breath. Can’t. Breathe. I’m drowning. Rolling down, down, down into it, groping for air, for some root to hold onto to keep me in the sunshine, but the sun is gone and the roots have all rotted. I was just now sitting there smiling at my life, looking at my loving husband with admiration and gratitude, cherishing the gentle touch of my child’s sweet words, and then BAM! It’s back. I thought we were over this? You know exactly what I’m talking about. Your version may be different, may be more colorful, messier, and still impossible to explain to anyone who hasn’t been through it, but you know. You feel his finger grazing your thigh, you smell that which reminds you how that drug/alcohol/person used to make you feel, you hear that song and it brings you back to a you who was so much more alive and beautiful, not the you in the mirror today. And all around you, all the blessings and logic and love in your life, vanish, vacuumed up into an abyss of never-again’s and what-if’s that you know simply no longer have a place in your life.

And yet it won’t go away. It won’t.

Would you almost lose it all again for this addiction? Do you remember how insane you got last time? 

No, I would not. Yes, I do. I do. I do.