How to Parent Out of Control Teens- Metamorphosis- Part Two

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Enlightened Learning, Parenting and Family Relations

light-bulb-503881_640

Session one. Nervous chatter. They don’t know each other. They don’t know me. They don’t like this feeling of being vulnerable- I’m here cuz I don’t know how to parent my teenage child. I’m here cuz I need help. I’m here because I don’t know.…. That is not a remarkably comfortable place to be in, especially not for the dads, especially cuz it’s not your typical sandbox parenting issues, it’s tougher stuff. Stuff with consequences that weigh much more. Stuff that stings and sits on top of and abuses all of our deepest unresolved childhood issues and the shades of us we’re not proud of. It’s the stuff that says, “If my kid’s a teenager now, almost out of the house, and it’s too late to change anything and this is how he’s turned out then, clearly, I’ve failed in a huge, unforgivable way.”

Interestingly enough, most of the parents in the group have older kids currently in the army or even married and their biggest trouble is now with their youngest child who is a teenager. A few had younger kids at home, but most not. Some shared how impossible it was to live with their child and how they came because they needed someone to tell them how and what to do at home. Almost all felt this screaming, “My child hates me!”

We spoke mostly about five things that were extremely powerful:

How to Parent Out of Control Teens- Vibrations of Pain- The Journey Begins

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Enlightened Learning, Overcoming Ourselves, Parenting and Family Relations

screen-shot-2016-10-31-at-4-54-38-pm

“My 16 year old called me a slut. What am I supposed to do with that?”

“I’m a single mom . I’m scared of my teenage son’s rage. I don’t know what to do.”

“It’s constant tension in my house. You can’t live under shit all the time.”

Our kids were once young and small and then, one day it seems, we wake up to this sometimes-monster, this unappreciative, egotistical, rude, complaining parasite living in my home. And I look at this teenage person and I’m clueless how the hell this happened. Where I went wrong. What to do now. Overwhelmed. Frustrated. Seething mad. Hurt. Guilty.

I want a phenomenal relationship with this budding young adult. I want to admire him, encourage him, enjoy his company, share my life with him but it always seems to go deep south. It a matter of seconds, we hit pure insanity. An innoculous  ‘good morning” could be the impromptus for World War Three. It’s unpredictable, usually ugly, and so exhausting.

So, the chit chatting stopped. Heads were nodding. Little grunts and laughs of agreement. We were firing on the exact same frequency and rode that wave of electricity regally. They were totally mine. I knew it; they knew it; the staff knew it. We were going to engage in this journey and face all the unspoken hopelessness they were clueless about. We had already begun this quest for answers. And not lacy, nicey ones; but real, raw, now kind of answers. The kind of answers that catapult you from frustration and insanity to gloriousness.

And Then There Were Five- How Quietly Lovely Those Moments Can Be

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Enlightened Learning, Overcoming Ourselves

shower-1027904_640

Three are in the shower, three in the pool, and one’s gone home. She [again] didn’t feel comfortable with the sexually-infused banter of normal hormone-pulsing teen talk and the touchy-feely pushing-the-limits of truth or dare. And now, (I’m laughing as I type), they are all in the shower. Five girls, two guys, all in their bathing suits, a throbbing mass of laughter and hands shampooing someone else’s hair. I sip my lemon water, chew of this bowl of mixed dried fruits and nuts, and feel so unalarmed by my daughter’s budding sexuality and the openness of her relationships (I love her friends!) but got extremely unnerved by my now-teenage son watching some cartoon of two police men beating a baby and the mother to death and laughing.

10 Year Old Children Today- Modern Parenting Failure #231

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Enlightened Learning, Parenting and Family Relations

I Have Already Arrived- Seeing Butterflies & The Core Essence of What Is

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Chronic Pain and Living Pain-Free, Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Enlightened Learning, Healthy Weight Loss & Lifestyle, Inspiration and Appreciation, Overcoming Ourselves, Who Is Gabi Klaf?

gabi klaf, health and wellness coach, healthy lifestyle coach, family therapsy, mom blog, healthy weight loss for busy moms and dads, inspiration, energy healing, parenting, mindful parenting, clean your soul, inspiration for life,addiction and obsession, chronic pain, i've already arrived, seeing the butterflies

Butterflies dance and play before me. They flit and flutter and flirt with my soul. They always have, they always do. Sometimes, I just don’t see them. I’m a good student here on Earth School. I’ve failed several times and keep coming back to learn, EVER SO SLOWLY, my blessed lessons. I’ve been missing the butterflies cuz I keep going off somewhere else. Emotionally that is. Physically I’m very much in the room with you, or my kids, or my husband; but, emotionally I’m off far, far away in the past, the present, or in rejecting What Is.

I’ve long stopped believing that this product or that one would make me happy. I’ve long stopped holding my breath for this amount of money or fame to make me truly satisfied. I’ve graduated at least to grade three or four now. I’m currently figuring out that this course, this guru, this healing method, and that relationship won’t fix me. I still think people will make me whole and I’m desperately holding onto the idea that this exercise/diet/method will bring me a body that will be so damn sexy I won’t find any fault with it.

And now, I’m getting it. So many angels later, so many holograms smacking me upside the face later and I’m slowly getting it that I’VE ARRIVED ALREADY!

Chronic Pain and Body Malfunction- The Impossibility of Doing Nothing- Part Six

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Addiction and Obsession, Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Enlightened Learning, Healthy Weight Loss & Lifestyle, Overcoming Ourselves, Who Is Gabi Klaf?

gabi klaf, health and wellness coach, healthy lifestyle coach, family therapsy, mom blog, healthy weight loss for busy moms and dads, inspiration, energy healing, parenting, mindful parenting, clean your soul, inspiration for life,addiction and obsession,

THE IMPOSSIBILITY OF DOING NOTHING: That’s what’s so hard here. Not only do I feel totally frustrated. You may as well put me in diapers now. It’s maddening to be constantly correcting yourself over things that you never, ever even gave thought to. And it’s stuff in your face all day long. Remember, I cannot sit, stand, walk, or pick up things correctly. That’s a shitload of correctiveness for one person. And then- the exercises.

A- They are not exercises that I can do and check off my to do list. They are a way of life. Well damn, that’s never getting checked off is it?

B- It’s not Eye of the Tiger go do it! Be strong! Conquer. That’s what got me into a lot of this mess, or exasperated it times 300. My way to get over my addiction was to run, work out, push myself, tone up like a madman. And I was.

The Single Most Powerful Decision to Change Your Life

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Buddhism, Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Enlightened Learning, Inspiration and Appreciation

My heart is beating. I’m excited to find the soul space to write to you, again. So happy and excited and yet my heart beats from another space. A space that is rising to the challenge of observing my own beatingnessness. (Yes, I made that up!) I’ve been listening to a lot of Eckhart Tolle lately, mostly A New Earth, and in it he speaks of our ego’s need to reactivate the pain body, over and over and over again. And he talks about seeing it being activated and how, if we can create a quiet space from which to observe it, we create what he calls Presence. And so, I am in Presence as I see this, this extraordinary ability to hold on for just this second, and just this one, and just this one, ever now.

I am in Presence as I observe, “Oh look, Gabi dear, you are judging,” or “Oh note, darling Gabi, you are not in the present,” or best of all perhaps is, “Knock, knock, oh lovely one, you are feeding a pain body and you feel your heart beating like mad, and you feel that tightening in your chest, and you feel your chest and throat and sinew exploding inside, and now, darling, now, precisely now you stand before a blessed opportunity to learn and grow and observe the powerful work of an ego and a pain body trying to make you a victim, and you, dear one that you are, child of God, and full of light, you, dear one, you, and only you, can decide to observe or fall. Decide love.”

And I have. The  Single Most Powerful Decision to Change Your Life

Kittens, Motherhood, and Retarded Angel-Souls Across the Globe- Life on the Road Sighs- The Philippines

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Enlightened Learning, Inspiration and Appreciation, Parenting and Family Relations

 

Kitten outside. Small tiny face. Furry. Fuzzy, really. Big eyes. Sweet soul. Dahnya, my eldest, has a new goal in life. She says to me yesterday, “I will make her fat and strong before we leave here, and then she’ll have a good chance to live.” Oh. Found cat in a basket hanging over a booth in the market. No one wanted the kitten.

Watching kids play with cat, cuddle her, run to her cries, fills me with joy. Maybe they’ll learn how confusing the dependency of a child is, that desire to help, to soothe, to provide, that love that loves you right back, but still disturbs your movie/game/lunch/conversations. I’m closest to the front door so I hear even the faint cries most. I smile, “Dahnya, your baby,” and she sighs in a way I can relate to, and runs outside. Sometimes she tells me, “Can you tell her one. second. please?” and I get that too. I know, love, I know, and I love it that you are learning through the kitten.

I also love it that we played Uno today, us and our new special friend Raffy and this German backpacker we met two-doors down. I mentioned their meeting from yesterday on Facebook and wanted to share it with you.

Dear Lilly- A Love Letter from a Father to His Daughter

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Addiction and Obsession, Enlightened Learning, Inspiration and Appreciation, Parenting and Family Relations

gabi klaf, health and wellness coach, healthy lifestyle coach, family therapsy, mom blog, healthy weight loss for busy moms and dads, inspiration, energy healing, parenting, mindful parenting, clean your soul, inspiration for life
GabiKlaf.com has brought amazing people into my life. People who radiate and flow in the same frequency that I do , that we do. One such person is Pete Giargente (aka: Peter Greyson). He is just a dad, like any other dad, who is doing the best he can. This dad in particular spends a lot of time talking about his addictions, his slimy ways with women, his life choices that got him a lot of what he wanted in life and hurt many a young ladies along the way. He shares this in a love letter to his daughter Lilly, and found out that a lot of people are inspired by his story. His book, Dear Lilly, shares in angle we would have never imagined the truths that some of us women need to hear. Maybe it can bring some closure to those of us who believed sweet lies that left our hearts broken. Maybe his work can inspire other young teenage girls out there to know that we all seek love, being seen, being touched, feeling special, and unfortunately, even those with the sweet eyes and tender fingers and smile, can lie to get what he wants. And broken hearts (or worse)  don’t happen to someone else, but to us.

Six Ways To Regain Sanity When You and Your Family Are Falling Apart

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Buddhism, Enlightened Learning, Overcoming Ourselves, Parenting and Family Relations, Who Is Gabi Klaf?

It started out as an innocent enough walk through town. Objective: To obtain food. And what happened was I followed my family through those sweltering alley ways and booths holding everyone’s stuff until I felt like a trash can/closet/servant, and walking next to kids who rambled on incessantly without even a second for me to hold a thought of my own, and constant complaints and “but I wanted to walk next to Mommy” and me feeling that my opinion and desire to find a place with a salad were totally insignificant. It was a very personal inferno of hell, a traumatic stuckness that begged for some wild insane outburst to relieve me from myself. But no. I just walked on, one foot in front of the other, ‘anicca’ing the entire way.

‘Anicca’ing is my superimposed Buddhist verb-i-zation of nouns and adjectives to make things make sense for me. ‘Anicca,’ now coincidentally tattooed on my husband’s right shoulder, is the Pali word for ‘impermanence.’ It means that all passes, changes, flows, comes and goes, and for me, it helps me learn (slowly) that there’s no reason to get all hung up on this or that really painful or really tempting issue for it will all change anyhow. So, when things get tough, I fall down, I get depressed and desperate, I lose myself in temptation, I annica it, and, somehow, it passes, and life carries on. The frequency, duration, and intensity of my fall-outs have significantly lessened. Significantly, and how this happens, I’d like to share with you: Six Ways To Regain Sanity When You and Your Family Are Falling Apart