I cannot straighten my body. I am locked, like a pretzel down, hunched, worse than what the cane-walking-elderly-lady-looks-like-in-an-old-movie hunched. I cannot stand. I have just watched an hour and a half movie. This happens whenever I sit for too long. I get trapped in my own tension. My body is chronically tight, wound up so taunt that it cannot even begin to imagine how to breathe it out. I was so empowered, so determined that I can do this, because I can. I can do anything. I got over the unspeakable abyss of insane desire, I will not give up in holding at bay this untamable beast, and I even lost 30 pounds. I can do anything. Anything. Anything, even at the cost of pissing off friends. At all costs, I can. Always.
And so, I was that excited, that woo-hoo-ing my journey, and like it came on so euphorically positive, it crashes that realistically negative. Can I do this?
What I Do Not Know How To Do:
- pick up things off the floor
What I Know I Should Be Doing:
- changing positions throughout the day
- being active
- doing my psoas exercises, dropping my rib cage to my back and envisioning my muscles relaxing
- doing my raised hip exercises, same as above
- doing my ‘crab’ exercise, stretching that psoas
- imagining my body full of light and healing and relaxation
What I Did Today:
- ignored the whole damn thing and pretended like it would go away if I willed it away
- wrote to my heart’s desire and enjoyed hours of meaningful blog posts on both blogs
- yelled at my kids when my back got so stuck it felt like a chapped rubber band about to snap
- felt overwhelmed and too challenged by trying to figure out everything from the beginning
What I Am Grateful For:
- that I know now definitely what the source so all of my body complications are
- that I can see evidence of this chronically tight muscle mass of meness all stuck in a painful mesh of solidity
- that I can imagine a body flexing, flowing, and moving as I am meant to
- that I have Lauren Ohayon guiding me through this
- that I have zero (yes, zero) obligations that are taking me away from my goal and that my will and self discipline alone will determine the length, duration, and success of my rehabiliation
- that I do not have anything life-threatening (yet) and that I have every resource (mostly time and relaxation) necessary to cure this
What I Am Reaffirming Now:
- that I can do this and I will, I will, I will
- that I will not get emotionally wound up and stressed like in AAAAA PART THREE where I fell to peices
- that I will improve every day, except for the days that I don’t, which is also OK, forgivable, and part of my process
- that I will get off the computer right now and go do the exercises with the gusto and belief in my ability to heal myself
- that I am so happy to know that I CAN DO IT! Yes, I can.
How? One foot in front of the other! (My new greatest song I’m dying for and exactly the words I need to hear:
Speak divas (that’s for men too, by the way!) Tell me I can do this and that I’m sexy and young and healthy as I always thought I was. Tell me that being in shell-shock, going 180 degrees at it heads on, and ignoring it will not fix me. Tell me that I can apply all of my awesomeness to my own rehab, that I can relearn how to walk, sit, stand, and bend over, and that I will. Nothing is beyond me, or you. Nothing.
Gabi is a certified trauma therapist, family communications expert, energy healer, and life coach with a Masters in Psychology. She shares her personal life stories and insights to inspire others to share their honest, neurotic selves and do all that is necessary to Clean Your Soul. She believes that all of us are on our journey from pain to the light, and by staying inspired and aware, we can all reach our fullest, cleanest, most beautiful free selves. Gabi takes a very limited number of one-on-one clients for transformational parenting, family, life, and trauma therapy. You may reach Gabi directly at email@example.com, subject line: coaching inquiry
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