It happened again tonight. I can’t control it, and neither would I want to, if I could. It hits me. Like a black cast iron pot in the dead of night, it bashes into my head. BOOM! And, I can do nothing, nothing, but fall deep, deep into that abyss of dark, rich, Egyptian light. There is no other way for me to describe it. It is a dark light for my soul knows it. Very intimately.
It happens…and I’m gone. I’m somewhere else. My heart flutters (glitters actually), my soul leaps, my frequency blurs and hits a light, high, iridescent buzz. And it seers right through my entirety. It’s happened only twice before in my life but it happened tonight, and I’m a spark plug. I’m totally outta here.
Hopelessly, passionately, irrationally. Deeply, wholly, fully. Uncontrollably. In love.
It’s like my soul knew it, I just didn’t.
The moon is on my side
I have no reason to run
So will someone come and carry me home tonight
The angels never arrived
But I can hear the choir
So will someone come and carry me home
I heard this song, once upon a time, far, far away. Today, was the first time that I am consciously aware of knowing that song, but I knew it. somewhere in the depths of my soul. Like when those Argentinian artisans sung Marco Antonio Solis’s Si No Te Hubieras Ido when the power went out in Taganga, Colombia; I knew that song. My soul knew it and just waited years (or lifetimes) for me to catch on. To gain that insight, to become aware, to marinate into the enlightenment of something it had yearned for for so long.
I’ve taken a billion amazing classes in Psychology. I know the familiarity theories that say that face recognition and songs for example become more beautiful as I grow accustomed to them. That the more I see/hear something, the lovelier it gets to me. But, here, this is Malcolm Gladwell’s Blink at work here. This is thin-slicing in a matter of seconds. This is my soul (the resident expert) knowing instantly that this is it!
We are young
So let’s set the world on fire
We can burn brighter than the sun
I was walking alone, back from Khanchanaburi’s night market. And blaring out of an establishment I would never visit (in daylight, anyway) and I hear “Na, na, na, na, na, na, na…. and I stop. Not sure what to do with this smirk on my face. The tingling spreads from my face south. I’m caught in the Piped Piper’s magical trance and float my back to the bar’s entrance. I don’t care who’s giving me cheap goo-goo eyes and who’s calling me “pretty lady, lady. yesssss, come have a drink with me!” I’m somewhere beyond where my feet stand.
Give me a second I,
I need to get my story straight
My friends are in the bathroom getting higher than the Empire State
My lover she’s waiting for me just across the bar
My seat’s been taken by some sunglasses asking bout a scar, and
I know I gave it to you months ago
I know you’re trying to forget
But between the drinks and subtle things
The holes in my apologies, you know
I’m trying hard to take it back
I have spent the past many, many hours since my awakening, over and over and over again. Official, acoustic, official, acoustic. I’m watching Nate Ruess and Janelle Monae carefully in the acoustic version. Their eye contact, his smile, her face (much like Whitney Houston’s), their clothing, their eye contact, again, that voice inflection in “fi-IRE” and “bright-ER”, the strength when they sing it together, the lyrics. At 1:18 when they both up their arms in the word ‘young’. ( I still don’t get her hair… I admit, I just don’t get it. I don’t.) listen, I watch- over and over and over again.
There is always some reason that I get my song. Even those who (the song) I didn’t fall in love with instantly, but grabbed me no less powerfully, I had to find something in her. There was something in the words that was true to me. Something that had to wrap itself around me, to touch something deep inside.
This time it’s the imperfection of it all.
Now I know that I’m not
All that you got
I guess that I, I just thought
Maybe we could find new ways to fall apart
But our friends are back
So let’s raise a glass
‘Cause I found someone to carry me home
I messed up and I’m so imperfect, so I’m apologizing. And despite all of who I am, here and now; let’s be, let’s be optimistic, let’s make the best of us, right now. I love it when he sings, “I guess that I, I just thought, maybe we could find new ways to fall apart.” I just love that- “let’s find new ways to fall apart.” How wonderful to celebrate, admit, put it out there that we all fall apart, and maybe we all can find better ways to do it. “Maybe we can find new ways to fall apart.”
So if by the time the bar closes
And you feel like falling down
I’ll carry you home
Can you find new ways to fall apart? Will we all be better served to admit to our own imperfection? Do you someone to ‘carry you home tonight?’. Kobi has always carried me; but, we’ve had some ugly phases where he couldn’t, and I found I could carry myself. Can you be young tonight, and carry yourself?
So you know I’m dying to discuss this with you. You’ve known me long enough to know that if I’m writing this spiral, incoherent way that I’m really on fire/alive/enlightened/outta here! Tell me what this does to you, what song does it for you… I’m here, and on twitter, and on facebook.
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