So, day 4 alone, in a hotel room, four hours south of my family in Siem Reap, Cambodia. I just made that up, you know. I totally shot that out of nowhere. I have no idea if I’m north, east, west, or southwest of them; but in the greater scheme of things I won’t lose much sleep over. I am far, far away; and contemplative. I wanted to say “happy about it” or “loving it” or “estastic” , and I am all of those things, but I am mostly thoughtful. I love my family so much, so much, so much; and have decided that I simply will not run away from them anymore.
I don’t run away, like go off for weeks on end all the time. This is the sixth time in my life as a mom (almost 11 years) that I’ve gone off for more than a few hours or a night. What I mean is that I feel like I am not present, really present, even though I adore, admire and love them to death. I’m there but I’m also running full-speed in my head, tensely, with brow furrowed, somewhere. Something to do, organize, think about, do, do, do. And so, my beloved (and I can’t say enough how cool this guy is. Go buy one today! They are in limited supply!); yes, where was I, my beloved has said stay as long as you like. When you are ready, come home.