Posts Tagged ‘Letting Go’

My Addiction: Cleaning the Core-Part 8

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Overcoming Ourselves

finding the soul in art too

The dark thought, the same, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each guest has been sent as a guide from beyond. -Rumi

So, look what I found. An old entry from months back that still, still, still deserves to be shared. The Conscious Suffering and those that follow it, are still, all this time later, the cleaning that is still being done. I must say how grateful (and shocked) I am that all this time later, all these months later; I am still working on it. Better? Infinitely. There? Still. The series began here, and the last video from it, is right  below this…..

Part 7- My Addiction: Ricochets of Pain

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Addiction and Obsession, Overcoming Ourselves

Every time I think we are done, I’ve solved it, we are cure/clean/free; it comes back. Like a possessed boomerang with a dying affinity to my soul, it shoots up from around the corner and hits me, hard. I could be enjoying a carefree moment, basking in joyful whatever and then, boom! a thought comes up, and I’m galloping down my road to misery. The other night, I went out dancing and was having the best time. I closed my eyes for a moment, and boom! it hit me like a huge spiritual punch to the stomach. These days I can catch it (usually) as what it is: ricochets of pain still unresolved begging to be acknowledged.

And so I’ve tried a few interesting things that all have had a ridiculously short shelf-life, but have had their respectable place in my getting over the most painful addiction/loss I’ve ever had to face.

Part 5: My Addiction:Seeing the Light Reflected Off Myself

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Addiction and Obsession, Overcoming Ourselves

gabi klaf

my addiction- seeing the light reflected off myself

“Little darling, it’s been a long cold lonely winter.
Little darling, it feels like years since it’s been here
Here comes the sun,
Here comes the sun, and I say
It’s all right….”

So, the sun is beginning to shine in my little inner world. I am beginning to see the light of the Universe kindly, softly glowing within me. And that’s what this part is all about, it’s about bowing down to the beauty of what was and walking away, enlightened from it. That’s what life is about; what our painful growth should be about.

Part 4: My Addiction: Getting to Grief

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Addiction and Obsession, Overcoming Ourselves

“Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.” – Rumi

Have I told you lately how much I love Rumi. Rumi’s my man. He does it for me. Thank God for Rumi. In any moment of despair, confusion, lostness…. there is always a Rumi quote to push me back up. And so, I sit here grieving. Grieving a dream that will never actualize. But Rumi says that it will come around in another form… and if Rumi says, he knows. Let’s talk about grief. It’s hard, heavy, thick, choking and very necessary, but not always.

Part 3: My Addiction:Withdrawal

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Addiction and Obsession, Overcoming Ourselves

I had helped people with withdrawals before. I had a fascinating young man named Mark who though in and out of prison, stayed true to his drug addiction; a father of three who lost his wife and kids because he couldn’t stop playing cards with the guys; and a beautiful young woman who couldn’t go back to her husband after her affair left her with a new taste/a new light in her life that she just was not willing to let go of. And now, as I face the metaphorical death of a dear, intimate friend; I get it. Now, I see how painful that withdrawal is and how we lose perspective of our lives in the face of our desires.

Part 2: My Addiction: Terrifying Truths

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Addiction and Obsession, Overcoming Ourselves



First off, have a good laugh for I am in the bathroom, and I know that  it looks like I’m actually on the toilet. (Didn’t think that one through before I started the recording!) I have found lately that the bathrooms here in the hostel are my best bet for a quiet recording. And so, here we are, intimate as ever, right? 🙂

And now, to our business…Yet again, here we are, going through this process. I am facing a desire that I cannot have, a desire that is consuming me. And I’ve decided to face this head on and look it in the eyes. And in here, you can hear the pain, you can hear the utter insanity including giving up my life, dying in order to have my desire.

Part 1: My Addiction: Consumed by Desire

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Addiction and Obsession, Overcoming Ourselves

Part of learning is sometimes so very painful. You know that; I know that too. And here I am, in pain, great overwhelming pain, for I have a desire that won’t be met. There is something in my life that I so desperately want, and yet, it will not be. And so, I am shooting a deluge of energy into an allusive dream which creates in me this abyss of misery.

I am miserable, and in this stage of the game; it sucks. So, I wish to live what I teach, I want to always have the integrity to say “I will do what I tell my clients to do” . And so, I reached that point that I am no longer willing to suffer. I no longer want to continue the drama of suffering in my life, because (frankly) it hurts too much, the cost is too great.