Part 2: My Addiction: Terrifying Truths

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Addiction and Obsession, Overcoming Ourselves

 

 

First off, have a good laugh for I am in the bathroom, and I know that  it looks like I’m actually on the toilet. (Didn’t think that one through before I started the recording!) I have found lately that the bathrooms here in the hostel are my best bet for a quiet recording. And so, here we are, intimate as ever, right? 🙂

And now, to our business…Yet again, here we are, going through this process. I am facing a desire that I cannot have, a desire that is consuming me. And I’ve decided to face this head on and look it in the eyes. And in here, you can hear the pain, you can hear the utter insanity including giving up my life, dying in order to have my desire.

And I must admit to you now that this is a scary process but one that you can certainly do alone, by yourself, or with the help of a trusted friend. Or, if facing that is too scary for you, you need to find a therapist you trust and get help. So, with the help of another or by yourself; you simply let the desire voice its full tenor, you allow, you actually invite the desire to be all-encompassing and say/be/do/wish to its fullest fire. And as it drowns you, as it overtakes all that you are; you hold on and know that you are strong enough to stand it/to witness it. You allow it to grow as big as it needs, and just watch… it will dissipate.

As soon as we allow the emotional brain to express himself, as soon as we allow the emotional self that legitimate space that it needs; it can make the room for something else. I’ve done a similar exercise that also works wonders from Brandon Base’s The Journey. You can read more about her work on her site.  In it you invite yourself to feel each emotion that arises to the fullest, and then look beyond at the next emotion. As you go through the layers, you reveal the core of your pain, and eventually, find peace. It is marvelous as well.

Have you ever felt drowned by your desires? Have you ever faced something that you wanted so badly, that we were willing to forgo everything, just to have it? Have you stood at the brink of that dark pit and allowed yourself to fall/allowed yourself to enter that despair and see what happens? Did you know that you, like me, are strong enough to face your unhealthy desires? You are. Share with me.

 

This article is part of an eight-part series in which I share my journey through an addiction. Thus far, published series pieces include:

The entire series is here:

Part 1- My Addiction: Consumed by Desire        Part 2- My Addiction: Terrifying Truths

Part 3- My Addiction: Withdrawal                        Part 4- My Addiction: Getting To Grief

Part 5- My Addiction: Seeing the Light                  Part 6- My Addiction: Basking In My Own Light

Part 7- My Addiction: Ricochets of Pain                Part 8- My Addiction: Cleaning The Core

Gabi is a certified trauma therapist, family communications expert, energy healer, and life coach with a Masters in Psychology. She shares her personal life stories and insights to inspire others to share their honest, neurotic selves and do all that is necessary to Clean Your Soul. She believes that all of us are on our journey from pain to the light, and by staying inspired and aware, we can all reach our fullest, cleanest, most beautiful free selves. Don’t miss a single chance to be inspired. Gabi takes a very limited number of one-on-one clients for transformational parenting, family, life, and trauma therapy. You may reach Gabi directly at gabiklaf@gmail.com.

 

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Comments (8)

  • a friend

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    It’s good to see that you are on a path to reconnecting with your world, with your desire in its proper place.

    Reply

    • Gabi

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      Dear a friend,
      Thank you for standing here, near me, as I face this. I am on the path, yet I so wish that the path would be shorter, and stop taking so many detours. I have much to learn through this- of this I am sure. Thank you for being ‘a friend’. I feel your love,

      Gabi

      Reply

  • Angela

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    Gabi, today is black Friday my husband has made it clear that I am not welcome back to live at home. It has been a long month. I have used up all of my chances he has given me to get my shit together and be strong. I even started therapy with treatment for stress. Right when things are getting better and my family gets comfortable I tell my self its ok to sneak in the only 15min between work and home I have alone to cave and just unwind the voice that repeats a justified reason to take the risk because I deserve that one. One…? two..? 3,4…..now I have to cover up spent money by lying I’ll be fine I will be a little late getting home and I will justify just one more until I have very little funds left and my phone has 4 missed calls. I panic and hall ass across town to hideout again he already knows I won’t be home…who knows if I will have the balls to face the repercussion a day? a week? ever? Try to blame him work …truth is I have no feelings but fear now fear of the truth . My family will have to turn their backs to protect their hearts from being betrayed of the valued we worked so had to buildup to be a happy healthy loving family that was meant grow stronger and feel warm and safe. Victory has a fighting chance if I can close this door to my addiction before it closes me. I will not leave this earth defeated and a family left with a plague to be an embarrassment when they are asked where I am.

    Reply

    • Gabi

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      oh angela my soul sister. i feel you love, i do. “victory has a fighting chance if i can close this door to my addiction before it closes me” you see it so clearly my love. you do. “i will not leave this earth defeated and a family left with a plague to be an embarrassment when they are asked where i am” no you won’t sister, no you won’t. i know the insane ways we act, the fucked up logic, the lies and cover ups we’re willing to go through to hide our addictions. i know angela. talk to your husband, go get more help and give him any means to any money, just give it to him. (now, don’t you start shoplifting cuz then i’ll really kill you). leave the house with $5 in your pocket cash. and that’s it. speak to me. i’m here. i love you. your husband is amazing. talk to your kids so that they know that you love them, and daddy loves them and that this is a tough time for you and the family, but that god will get you through it and thank you for being the amazing kids that they are for you love them and find strength in them so very much. i love you. gabi

      Reply

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