Part 3: My Addiction:Withdrawal

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Addiction and Obsession, Overcoming Ourselves

I had helped people with withdrawals before. I had a fascinating young man named Mark who though in and out of prison, stayed true to his drug addiction; a father of three who lost his wife and kids because he couldn’t stop playing cards with the guys; and a beautiful young woman who couldn’t go back to her husband after her affair left her with a new taste/a new light in her life that she just was not willing to let go of. And now, as I face the metaphorical death of a dear, intimate friend; I get it. Now, I see how painful that withdrawal is and how we lose perspective of our lives in the face of our desires.

 

In this video, I’m breaking down. I can’ t do this anymore. I can’t handle the waves of helplessness that keep overcoming me. I say I can’t handle it (in a moment of weakness), but the truth is, I can, and I am. Since my last recording, I’ve had panic attacks that have knocked me off my feet. Out of nowhere, out of a thought came a freight train of helpless wanting that knocked the breath out of me stronger than I knew what to do with. And as my chest tightened, my heart literally closed down, I couldn’t breath; I kept saying “Come on. Bring it on. Make it as big as you can, I can handle it. ” and again, “Come on. Say how badly your desire is consuming you. Believe it. Know that you are nothing without this in your life. Fully feel the nothing.”

And it was so scary. Like the moment before you know that next contraction is about to begin, but you face it, cuz you don’t have a choice. But really, you face cuz you are strong enough to face it.

And so, I go through my withdrawal as painful as it is. And I found that after those three dreadfully huge ones, the ones that have followed are much milder. And though I brace myself each time for the worst, the worst; it does not come. I  invite it to envelope/consume me and it builds up, but I am surprised that it dies early. It dies before it consumes Lima, or South America; sometimes, it even dies before it fills up the room, or even me. And I’m so proud of me, so proud of my strength in this emotionally exhausting process.

And my withdrawal is so personally tragic for me, so so painful; and I am grateful for it. For also, in the middle of this hell, I am learning. I am learning how strong I am, how able I am to face the most terrifying there is, and come out the victor (damn it!).

The entire series is here:

Part 1- My Addiction: Consumed by Desire        Part 2- My Addiction: Terrifying Truths

Part 3- My Addiction: Withdrawal                        Part 4- My Addiction: Getting To Grief

Part 5- My Addiction: Seeing the Light                  Part 6- My Addiction: Basking In My Own Light

Part 7- My Addiction: Ricochets of Pain                Part 8- My Addiction: Cleaning The Core

Have you faced a withdrawal (physically and emotionally) that beat your body and soul to a pulp? Were you strong enough to stand the waves that crashed upon you? Did they consume you/madden you, like mine are maddening me? Did you get desperate too? What held you onto the ground? What kept you from losing it? Did you decide it was time to seek help, that you no longer want to face this alone?

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Gabi is a certified trauma therapist, family communications expert, energy healer, and life coach with a Masters in Psychology. She shares her personal life stories and insights to inspire others to share their honest, neurotic selves and do all that is necessary to Clean Your Soul. She believes that all of us are on our journey from pain to the light, and by staying inspired and aware, we can all reach our fullest, cleanest, most beautiful free selves. Don’t miss a single chance to be inspired. Gabi takes a very limited number of one-on-one clients for transformational parenting, family, life, and trauma therapy. You may reach Gabi directly at gabiklaf@gmail.com.

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