Slowly it’s seeping in how bad things are in my body, how off my entire body is. Maybe a reflection of my soul-state, maybe an expression of emotional unresolved issues I’m still carrying around, and/or maybe just evidence of not using my body-machine correctly.
It’s not pretty but so it is. And it’s totally bashing in my ego and all the “I Am Healthy” messages I thought I was. And I was, I was, and I am but this is something deeper, a different section of being blind to my own healthy development. And here is another video of my trying to figure out What The Hell Do I Do With Myself.
We take it for granted that we know what to do with our physical bodies, that we know what to do. I actually never even thought of it before this. I get up, I do what I do, I exercise, I make healthy choices or I don’t, and I go to bed. Now, I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t know how to be IN MYSELF and that is maddening.
I think not knowing is marvelous, for in that space of not-knowing, we find out new information, new options, new truths, new data to fill the void that was once filled with Knowing. And yet, knowing that does not make the empty hollowness of it all any easier. But it does even so. Your thoughts. I’m here.
———————
It’s part of a healing series: When Your Body Doesn’t Do What You Want It To. I’m sharing the entire journey to document it for myself (because I WILL be victorious in this battle) and to inspire others to learn, grow, face it, overcome this physical pain, that emotional deep-rooted issue, this addiction, and that insanely normal every-day family life situation.
Part One: Mommy Tummy and Other Plumbing Frustrations
Part Two: Greatfulness, Overwhelm, and Determination
.
Leave a Reply