I Found A Condom- Teens & Sex- Parenting Teens- Part Four

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Parenting and Family Relations

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I found a box of condoms in his room. What? I’m shocked. He’s the most immature child in this universe. He is not ready in any way to have sex. What the hell do I do?

Well, he obviously is ready, or he thinks he is, cuz black and white, right in front of our faces we have that box of condoms.

Like it or not, your child is sexual. He is. Now what? Fill him with shame or try to give him the right information? Leave him totally alone or try to guide? Shrink sheepishly away or rise nobly to the occasion?

And so we begin our fourth chapter….

How to Parent Out of Control Teens- Allusions, Throw Up, and Rejection – Part Three

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Parenting and Family Relations

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There are holes in my walls, we’ve already removed the doors, and a few windows are cracked. They are destroying not just me and each other but the physical house we live in as well.

So, last week, I left feeling hopeless and overwhelmed. This week, I feel that there is hope. I’m optimistic that I can do this.

I know now that I am not alone. That my teenager is not this huge failure, this monster that is all wrong. He is normal and we’ll get through this insane period of his life.

We’re doing amazing things. Learning together. Sharing the real stuff. No filters. Just real, raw parenting pain and mutual fumbling for answers. This week, we touched on another gorgeous list of deeply vital foundations for parents of teenagers. Here are the top issues broken down:

How to Parent Out of Control Teens- Metamorphosis- Part Two

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Enlightened Learning, Parenting and Family Relations

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Session one. Nervous chatter. They don’t know each other. They don’t know me. They don’t like this feeling of being vulnerable- I’m here cuz I don’t know how to parent my teenage child. I’m here cuz I need help. I’m here because I don’t know.…. That is not a remarkably comfortable place to be in, especially not for the dads, especially cuz it’s not your typical sandbox parenting issues, it’s tougher stuff. Stuff with consequences that weigh much more. Stuff that stings and sits on top of and abuses all of our deepest unresolved childhood issues and the shades of us we’re not proud of. It’s the stuff that says, “If my kid’s a teenager now, almost out of the house, and it’s too late to change anything and this is how he’s turned out then, clearly, I’ve failed in a huge, unforgivable way.”

Interestingly enough, most of the parents in the group have older kids currently in the army or even married and their biggest trouble is now with their youngest child who is a teenager. A few had younger kids at home, but most not. Some shared how impossible it was to live with their child and how they came because they needed someone to tell them how and what to do at home. Almost all felt this screaming, “My child hates me!”

We spoke mostly about five things that were extremely powerful:

How to Parent Out of Control Teens- Vibrations of Pain- The Journey Begins

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Enlightened Learning, Overcoming Ourselves, Parenting and Family Relations

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“My 16 year old called me a slut. What am I supposed to do with that?”

“I’m a single mom . I’m scared of my teenage son’s rage. I don’t know what to do.”

“It’s constant tension in my house. You can’t live under shit all the time.”

Our kids were once young and small and then, one day it seems, we wake up to this sometimes-monster, this unappreciative, egotistical, rude, complaining parasite living in my home. And I look at this teenage person and I’m clueless how the hell this happened. Where I went wrong. What to do now. Overwhelmed. Frustrated. Seething mad. Hurt. Guilty.

I want a phenomenal relationship with this budding young adult. I want to admire him, encourage him, enjoy his company, share my life with him but it always seems to go deep south. It a matter of seconds, we hit pure insanity. An innoculous  ‘good morning” could be the impromptus for World War Three. It’s unpredictable, usually ugly, and so exhausting.

So, the chit chatting stopped. Heads were nodding. Little grunts and laughs of agreement. We were firing on the exact same frequency and rode that wave of electricity regally. They were totally mine. I knew it; they knew it; the staff knew it. We were going to engage in this journey and face all the unspoken hopelessness they were clueless about. We had already begun this quest for answers. And not lacy, nicey ones; but real, raw, now kind of answers. The kind of answers that catapult you from frustration and insanity to gloriousness.

And I Was Here- Rebirthing Myself

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Overcoming Ourselves, Parenting and Family Relations, Who Is Gabi Klaf?

 

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And so it is, sometimes, or maybe all the time but we just don’t fully realize it… You’re this leaf, vibrant, swaying in the breeze, feeling so alive and lush and moist…. and then you fall, it all does, all at once, and you find yourself in a labyrinth of dryness, death, decay, and darkness. And as you lay there, with all the wind knocked out of you still trying to understand where alive went, you learn. You learn that this is also beautiful. You learn that this is also growth. You learn that this will catapult you on your spiritual journey much more than peace and serenity did. And so you breathe into this, too, and find out how this too can be alive, in different shades and from different directions than you planned but all the same, alive.

And so I’m going through all the lovely and gross, gently high and sharply low, and beautiful shades of being a mom, loving myself, and finding my way. It’s truly exquisite.

And Then There Were Five- How Quietly Lovely Those Moments Can Be

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Enlightened Learning, Overcoming Ourselves

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Three are in the shower, three in the pool, and one’s gone home. She [again] didn’t feel comfortable with the sexually-infused banter of normal hormone-pulsing teen talk and the touchy-feely pushing-the-limits of truth or dare. And now, (I’m laughing as I type), they are all in the shower. Five girls, two guys, all in their bathing suits, a throbbing mass of laughter and hands shampooing someone else’s hair. I sip my lemon water, chew of this bowl of mixed dried fruits and nuts, and feel so unalarmed by my daughter’s budding sexuality and the openness of her relationships (I love her friends!) but got extremely unnerved by my now-teenage son watching some cartoon of two police men beating a baby and the mother to death and laughing.

How To Live with a Teenage Who Hates You- A Mother’s Tale

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Overcoming Ourselves, Parenting and Family Relations

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This sucks. This absolutely suck. I’m getting emotionally beaten up to a pulp. I’m feeling tense and uncomfortable in my own home on mildly good days and like a perpetual victim of helplessness and utter despair on bad days. The bedroom and the bathroom offer short havens of respite from what often feels like a never-ending battle field of utter ugliness. The seemingly insignificant misnomer becomes the central stage to heated debates worth the weight of the world in gold.  Under-the-belt personal attacks; endless huge dramatic fights over e-v-e-r-y  l-i-t-t-l-e t-h-i-n-g; and rudeness, resistance, and grossness to all those pitiful enough to be on the war path. This ride has not been easy and it’s far, far, far from over.

As a highly sensitive person [more about this later], I’m not doing well with this teenage thing. I’m not doing well with fights or crying fits most mornings. I’m not doing well with making every request sixteen times and getting attitude back. I’m drained from the drama in response to “pick up your things spewed all over the living room” or”put your shoes on and walk out the door because we’re late (again) to school”. I’m not doing well with this deep, dark feeling of ‘fuck you! I don’t give a shit!’ because I can’t push and be treated like shit over and over again and keep returning to the ring caring. It. Is. Hard. To. Hug. Thorns. and right now, my rose is all thorns and I’m not doing well with getting scrapped up all the time.

10 Year Old Children Today- Modern Parenting Failure #231

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Enlightened Learning, Parenting and Family Relations

I Have Already Arrived- Seeing Butterflies & The Core Essence of What Is

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Chronic Pain and Living Pain-Free, Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Enlightened Learning, Healthy Weight Loss & Lifestyle, Inspiration and Appreciation, Overcoming Ourselves, Who Is Gabi Klaf?

gabi klaf, health and wellness coach, healthy lifestyle coach, family therapsy, mom blog, healthy weight loss for busy moms and dads, inspiration, energy healing, parenting, mindful parenting, clean your soul, inspiration for life,addiction and obsession, chronic pain, i've already arrived, seeing the butterflies

Butterflies dance and play before me. They flit and flutter and flirt with my soul. They always have, they always do. Sometimes, I just don’t see them. I’m a good student here on Earth School. I’ve failed several times and keep coming back to learn, EVER SO SLOWLY, my blessed lessons. I’ve been missing the butterflies cuz I keep going off somewhere else. Emotionally that is. Physically I’m very much in the room with you, or my kids, or my husband; but, emotionally I’m off far, far away in the past, the present, or in rejecting What Is.

I’ve long stopped believing that this product or that one would make me happy. I’ve long stopped holding my breath for this amount of money or fame to make me truly satisfied. I’ve graduated at least to grade three or four now. I’m currently figuring out that this course, this guru, this healing method, and that relationship won’t fix me. I still think people will make me whole and I’m desperately holding onto the idea that this exercise/diet/method will bring me a body that will be so damn sexy I won’t find any fault with it.

And now, I’m getting it. So many angels later, so many holograms smacking me upside the face later and I’m slowly getting it that I’VE ARRIVED ALREADY!

Chronic Pain and Body Malfunction- The Impossibility of Doing Nothing- Part Six

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Addiction and Obsession, Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Enlightened Learning, Healthy Weight Loss & Lifestyle, Overcoming Ourselves, Who Is Gabi Klaf?

gabi klaf, health and wellness coach, healthy lifestyle coach, family therapsy, mom blog, healthy weight loss for busy moms and dads, inspiration, energy healing, parenting, mindful parenting, clean your soul, inspiration for life,addiction and obsession,

THE IMPOSSIBILITY OF DOING NOTHING: That’s what’s so hard here. Not only do I feel totally frustrated. You may as well put me in diapers now. It’s maddening to be constantly correcting yourself over things that you never, ever even gave thought to. And it’s stuff in your face all day long. Remember, I cannot sit, stand, walk, or pick up things correctly. That’s a shitload of correctiveness for one person. And then- the exercises.

A- They are not exercises that I can do and check off my to do list. They are a way of life. Well damn, that’s never getting checked off is it?

B- It’s not Eye of the Tiger go do it! Be strong! Conquer. That’s what got me into a lot of this mess, or exasperated it times 300. My way to get over my addiction was to run, work out, push myself, tone up like a madman. And I was.