I Have Already Arrived- Seeing Butterflies & The Core Essence of What Is

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Chronic Pain and Living Pain-Free, Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Enlightened Learning, Healthy Weight Loss & Lifestyle, Inspiration and Appreciation, Overcoming Ourselves, Who Is Gabi Klaf?

gabi klaf, health and wellness coach, healthy lifestyle coach, family therapsy, mom blog, healthy weight loss for busy moms and dads, inspiration, energy healing, parenting, mindful parenting, clean your soul, inspiration for life,addiction and obsession, chronic pain, i've already arrived, seeing the butterflies

Butterflies dance and play before me. They flit and flutter and flirt with my soul. They always have, they always do. Sometimes, I just don’t see them. I’m a good student here on Earth School. I’ve failed several times and keep coming back to learn, EVER SO SLOWLY, my blessed lessons. I’ve been missing the butterflies cuz I keep going off somewhere else. Emotionally that is. Physically I’m very much in the room with you, or my kids, or my husband; but, emotionally I’m off far, far away in the past, the present, or in rejecting What Is.

I’ve long stopped believing that this product or that one would make me happy. I’ve long stopped holding my breath for this amount of money or fame to make me truly satisfied. I’ve graduated at least to grade three or four now. I’m currently figuring out that this course, this guru, this healing method, and that relationship won’t fix me. I still think people will make me whole and I’m desperately holding onto the idea that this exercise/diet/method will bring me a body that will be so damn sexy I won’t find any fault with it.

And now, I’m getting it. So many angels later, so many holograms smacking me upside the face later and I’m slowly getting it that I’VE ARRIVED ALREADY!

Chronic Pain and Body Malfunction- The Impossibility of Doing Nothing- Part Six

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Addiction and Obsession, Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Enlightened Learning, Healthy Weight Loss & Lifestyle, Overcoming Ourselves, Who Is Gabi Klaf?

gabi klaf, health and wellness coach, healthy lifestyle coach, family therapsy, mom blog, healthy weight loss for busy moms and dads, inspiration, energy healing, parenting, mindful parenting, clean your soul, inspiration for life,addiction and obsession,

THE IMPOSSIBILITY OF DOING NOTHING: That’s what’s so hard here. Not only do I feel totally frustrated. You may as well put me in diapers now. It’s maddening to be constantly correcting yourself over things that you never, ever even gave thought to. And it’s stuff in your face all day long. Remember, I cannot sit, stand, walk, or pick up things correctly. That’s a shitload of correctiveness for one person. And then- the exercises.

A- They are not exercises that I can do and check off my to do list. They are a way of life. Well damn, that’s never getting checked off is it?

B- It’s not Eye of the Tiger go do it! Be strong! Conquer. That’s what got me into a lot of this mess, or exasperated it times 300. My way to get over my addiction was to run, work out, push myself, tone up like a madman. And I was.

Chronic Pain and Body Malfunction- Overwhelm After The Confidence Wanes- Part Five

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Overcoming Ourselves, Who Is Gabi Klaf?

gabi klaf, health and wellness coach, healthy lifestyle coach, family therapsy, mom blog, healthy weight loss for busy moms and dads, inspiration, energy healing, parenting, mindful parenting, clean your soul, inspiration for life,addiction and obsession, chronic pain

I cannot straighten my body. I am locked, like a pretzel down, hunched, worse than what the cane-walking-elderly-lady-looks-like-in-an-old-movie hunched. I cannot stand. I have just watched an hour and a half movie. This happens whenever I sit for too long. I get trapped in my own tension. My body is chronically tight, wound up so taunt that it cannot even begin to imagine how to breathe it out. I was so empowered, so determined that I can do this, because I can. I can do anything. I got over the unspeakable abyss of insane desire, I will not give up in holding at bay this untamable beast, and I even lost 30 pounds. I can do anything. Anything. Anything, even at the cost of pissing off friends. At all costs, I can. Always.

And so, I was that excited, that woo-hoo-ing my journey, and like it came on so euphorically positive, it crashes that realistically negative. Can I do this?

Chronic Pain and Body Dysfunction- Falling Apart, Relearning & What Happens When you Mess With the Psoas- Part 4

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Chronic Pain and Living Pain-Free, Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Overcoming Ourselves

gabi klaf, health and wellness coach, healthy lifestyle coach, family therapsy, mom blog, healthy weight loss for busy moms and dads, inspiration, energy healing, parenting, mindful parenting, clean your soul, inspiration for life,addiction and obsession, chronic pain

This is not fun. And I was naive to think it would be fun. I thought it would be some more of my beloved Eye of the Tiger, hear me roar because I am that powerful kind of stuff. It’s not. It’s a slow, maddening being that feels like you are not doing anything. So, I have been doing a lot.

I’ve spent 3-6 hours a day relaxing my psoas and hearing an ocean of things drown me, crash me in waves that tore me to pieces. Who would think that meditating would leave me broken? I knew this from Vippasana, and thought, somehow that it would be different here. So, a couple of videos for you. They say it better than I ever could.

Falling Apart: The Storm of Emotions and Worthlessness That Pours Out When You Touch What was So Deeply Buried

AND

Relearning: The Challenge of Relearning how to Sit, Stand, Lean Over, and Walk

Chronic Pain and Body Malfunction- What The Hell Do I Do With Myself- Part 3

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Chronic Pain and Living Pain-Free, Healthy Weight Loss & Lifestyle, Overcoming Ourselves, Who Is Gabi Klaf?

gabi klaf, health and wellness coach, healthy lifestyle coach, family therapsy, mom blog, healthy weight loss for busy moms and dads, inspiration, energy healing, parenting, mindful parenting, clean your soul, inspiration for life,addiction and obsession, chronic pain

Slowly it’s seeping in how bad things are in my body, how off my entire body is. Maybe a reflection of my soul-state, maybe an expression of emotional unresolved issues I’m still carrying around, and/or maybe just evidence of not using my body-machine correctly.

It’s not pretty but so it is. And it’s totally bashing in my ego and all the “I Am Healthy” messages I thought I was. And I was, I was, and I am but this is something deeper, a different section of being blind to my own healthy development. And here is another video of my trying to figure out What The Hell Do I Do With Myself.

Raising Sexually Retarded Children- Unpopular Parenting in A Radically Modern World

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Healthy Weight Loss & Lifestyle, Parenting and Family Relations

gabi klaf, health and wellness coach, healthy lifestyle coach, family therapsy, mom blog, healthy weight loss for busy moms and dads, inspiration, energy healing, parenting, mindful parenting, clean your soul, inspiration for life,addiction and obsession, chronic pain

“They say that kids who play with their food will have a really great sex life. My daughter is going to be a slut.”

(I wish I remembered who made that up). So, this article is about how to raise sexually retarded kids. Sexually retarded? Why would you do that? Allow me to explain a few things.

I want my kids to have a great sex life, an amazing sex life full of joy and fun and loving intimacy. Our kids have seen too much (including watching us- oh the images!), discussed with us everything including missionaries and sex, and joked with a sexual openness quite advanced for their years. Sex, sexual attraction and jokes, and body changes are all really healthy, natural topics around here. I like it that way. The ‘blow job’ shock, I admit, I was totally unprepared for that one!

But, at the same time, our kids are sexually retarded in this very consciously manipulated way. We believe that modern kids today grow up too fast. Kids are treated and exposed to media and online influences that teaches them that sexuality is cool and desirable as young as possible. When house-sitting in Boquete, Panama, I read Ester’s How to Talk to Your Kids about Sex book by Linda and Richard Eyre. It was amazing and left me with four major insights:

My Addiction- Accepting and Releasing: Part 9

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Addiction and Obsession, Overcoming Ourselves, Who Is Gabi Klaf?

gabi klaf, health and wellness coach, healthy lifestyle coach, family therapsy, mom blog, healthy weight loss for busy moms and dads, inspiration, energy healing, parenting, mindful parenting, clean your soul, inspiration for life,addiction and obsession,

“I shall go the way of the open sea, to the land I knew before you came, and the cool ocean breezes shall blow me from the memory of your name.” Laurence Hope

I’m spending a lot of time facing the Pacific Ocean, and sometimes; I feel that way. That I wish it just never happened, I wish I had not fallen into that whirlwind, I wish my soul did not connect so deeply/need so badly/love so fully the heart/space/addiction/drug of that which was. Do you ever wish you could erase that addiction, that drug, that alcohol, that entire phase in your life where you lost touch with reality to something that gave you that adrenaline rush that you thought was real? Sometimes, I still wish I could erase all that was, that it would have never existed, for surely the pain I have gone through filling the void where my addiction once so significantly stood; has been soul-wrenching. But then a stronger knowing comes….

The Single Most Powerful Decision to Change Your Life

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Buddhism, Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Enlightened Learning, Inspiration and Appreciation

My heart is beating. I’m excited to find the soul space to write to you, again. So happy and excited and yet my heart beats from another space. A space that is rising to the challenge of observing my own beatingnessness. (Yes, I made that up!) I’ve been listening to a lot of Eckhart Tolle lately, mostly A New Earth, and in it he speaks of our ego’s need to reactivate the pain body, over and over and over again. And he talks about seeing it being activated and how, if we can create a quiet space from which to observe it, we create what he calls Presence. And so, I am in Presence as I see this, this extraordinary ability to hold on for just this second, and just this one, and just this one, ever now.

I am in Presence as I observe, “Oh look, Gabi dear, you are judging,” or “Oh note, darling Gabi, you are not in the present,” or best of all perhaps is, “Knock, knock, oh lovely one, you are feeding a pain body and you feel your heart beating like mad, and you feel that tightening in your chest, and you feel your chest and throat and sinew exploding inside, and now, darling, now, precisely now you stand before a blessed opportunity to learn and grow and observe the powerful work of an ego and a pain body trying to make you a victim, and you, dear one that you are, child of God, and full of light, you, dear one, you, and only you, can decide to observe or fall. Decide love.”

And I have. The  Single Most Powerful Decision to Change Your Life

Sixty Eight Days of Silence- What Happens When Life Flows So Fast You Begin To Drown

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Healthy Weight Loss & Lifestyle, Inspiration and Appreciation, Overcoming Ourselves, Vipassana Meditation, Who Is Gabi Klaf?

Oh my loves. How I’ve missed writing/sharing/being with you. Or have I just missed myself and how I reflect the light of who I am off your eyes when I write here? Hmmm…

How glorious would it have been to spend sixty eight days in utter silence? I did it for ten days in my first Vippasana Meditation outside of Battambang, Cambodia and there, was filled with such peace and three times, insights that made the entire puzzle of my life fit together. For those moments, those three times, looking up at at at at at stars, nothing but darkness and stars, crying, I felt all who I was, the energy of me, finally, deeply, truly taste freedom of body. I knew for a few minutes there that I am all frequency, that everything changes, and that I’m so deeply blessed to get to be a part of the life school.