How to Parent Teens- An Unforgivable Message- Trampled & Pissed- Part Five

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Parenting and Family Relations

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I came home from work, so exhausted. I just wanted to put my feet up for a minute. Drink my coffee. And then she came into my face and started arguing and making these noises to annoy me on purpose. I told her I needed some space, that my head is exploding, and she wouldn’t let up. I got up and went to the living room. She followed me, with the loud noises. I had to physically push her away from me and lock myself in my bedroom. I just wanted a short nap so I could regain my strength for the evening with the kids. [Single mother of five.] She stood there pounding on the door making the noises as loud as she could. I’m sooooooooo sick and tired of it all.

We’ve all been there. And it’s hard. It’s so hard.

I get up at four to get my six kids to school on time and myself to work [an hour’s drive away]. I come home exhausted to find the place a total pig style- dishes with dried food stuck on it, the counter, the sink, the table- overflowing; their things strewn everywhere, the bathroom smelling like a public urinal [five boys] and then, then, then I hear, “Mom, have you made dinner yet? I’m hungry.” …..And, of course, I’m the last one to go to bed for I’m cleaning up and getting ready for the next day. I’m overwhelmed and exhausted. Angry. 

Deep breathe…..

And here our evening begins….

I Found A Condom- Teens & Sex- Parenting Teens- Part Four

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Parenting and Family Relations

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I found a box of condoms in his room. What? I’m shocked. He’s the most immature child in this universe. He is not ready in any way to have sex. What the hell do I do?

Well, he obviously is ready, or he thinks he is, cuz black and white, right in front of our faces we have that box of condoms.

Like it or not, your child is sexual. He is. Now what? Fill him with shame or try to give him the right information? Leave him totally alone or try to guide? Shrink sheepishly away or rise nobly to the occasion?

And so we begin our fourth chapter….

How to Parent Out of Control Teens- Allusions, Throw Up, and Rejection – Part Three

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Parenting and Family Relations

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There are holes in my walls, we’ve already removed the doors, and a few windows are cracked. They are destroying not just me and each other but the physical house we live in as well.

So, last week, I left feeling hopeless and overwhelmed. This week, I feel that there is hope. I’m optimistic that I can do this.

I know now that I am not alone. That my teenager is not this huge failure, this monster that is all wrong. He is normal and we’ll get through this insane period of his life.

We’re doing amazing things. Learning together. Sharing the real stuff. No filters. Just real, raw parenting pain and mutual fumbling for answers. This week, we touched on another gorgeous list of deeply vital foundations for parents of teenagers. Here are the top issues broken down:

How to Parent Out of Control Teens- Metamorphosis- Part Two

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Enlightened Learning, Parenting and Family Relations

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Session one. Nervous chatter. They don’t know each other. They don’t know me. They don’t like this feeling of being vulnerable- I’m here cuz I don’t know how to parent my teenage child. I’m here cuz I need help. I’m here because I don’t know.…. That is not a remarkably comfortable place to be in, especially not for the dads, especially cuz it’s not your typical sandbox parenting issues, it’s tougher stuff. Stuff with consequences that weigh much more. Stuff that stings and sits on top of and abuses all of our deepest unresolved childhood issues and the shades of us we’re not proud of. It’s the stuff that says, “If my kid’s a teenager now, almost out of the house, and it’s too late to change anything and this is how he’s turned out then, clearly, I’ve failed in a huge, unforgivable way.”

Interestingly enough, most of the parents in the group have older kids currently in the army or even married and their biggest trouble is now with their youngest child who is a teenager. A few had younger kids at home, but most not. Some shared how impossible it was to live with their child and how they came because they needed someone to tell them how and what to do at home. Almost all felt this screaming, “My child hates me!”

We spoke mostly about five things that were extremely powerful:

How to Parent Out of Control Teens- Vibrations of Pain- The Journey Begins

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Enlightened Learning, Overcoming Ourselves, Parenting and Family Relations

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“My 16 year old called me a slut. What am I supposed to do with that?”

“I’m a single mom . I’m scared of my teenage son’s rage. I don’t know what to do.”

“It’s constant tension in my house. You can’t live under shit all the time.”

Our kids were once young and small and then, one day it seems, we wake up to this sometimes-monster, this unappreciative, egotistical, rude, complaining parasite living in my home. And I look at this teenage person and I’m clueless how the hell this happened. Where I went wrong. What to do now. Overwhelmed. Frustrated. Seething mad. Hurt. Guilty.

I want a phenomenal relationship with this budding young adult. I want to admire him, encourage him, enjoy his company, share my life with him but it always seems to go deep south. It a matter of seconds, we hit pure insanity. An innoculous  ‘good morning” could be the impromptus for World War Three. It’s unpredictable, usually ugly, and so exhausting.

So, the chit chatting stopped. Heads were nodding. Little grunts and laughs of agreement. We were firing on the exact same frequency and rode that wave of electricity regally. They were totally mine. I knew it; they knew it; the staff knew it. We were going to engage in this journey and face all the unspoken hopelessness they were clueless about. We had already begun this quest for answers. And not lacy, nicey ones; but real, raw, now kind of answers. The kind of answers that catapult you from frustration and insanity to gloriousness.

And I Was Here- Rebirthing Myself

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Overcoming Ourselves, Parenting and Family Relations, Who Is Gabi Klaf?

 

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And so it is, sometimes, or maybe all the time but we just don’t fully realize it… You’re this leaf, vibrant, swaying in the breeze, feeling so alive and lush and moist…. and then you fall, it all does, all at once, and you find yourself in a labyrinth of dryness, death, decay, and darkness. And as you lay there, with all the wind knocked out of you still trying to understand where alive went, you learn. You learn that this is also beautiful. You learn that this is also growth. You learn that this will catapult you on your spiritual journey much more than peace and serenity did. And so you breathe into this, too, and find out how this too can be alive, in different shades and from different directions than you planned but all the same, alive.

And so I’m going through all the lovely and gross, gently high and sharply low, and beautiful shades of being a mom, loving myself, and finding my way. It’s truly exquisite.

How To Live with a Teenage Who Hates You- A Mother’s Tale

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Overcoming Ourselves, Parenting and Family Relations

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This sucks. This absolutely suck. I’m getting emotionally beaten up to a pulp. I’m feeling tense and uncomfortable in my own home on mildly good days and like a perpetual victim of helplessness and utter despair on bad days. The bedroom and the bathroom offer short havens of respite from what often feels like a never-ending battle field of utter ugliness. The seemingly insignificant misnomer becomes the central stage to heated debates worth the weight of the world in gold.  Under-the-belt personal attacks; endless huge dramatic fights over e-v-e-r-y  l-i-t-t-l-e t-h-i-n-g; and rudeness, resistance, and grossness to all those pitiful enough to be on the war path. This ride has not been easy and it’s far, far, far from over.

As a highly sensitive person [more about this later], I’m not doing well with this teenage thing. I’m not doing well with fights or crying fits most mornings. I’m not doing well with making every request sixteen times and getting attitude back. I’m drained from the drama in response to “pick up your things spewed all over the living room” or”put your shoes on and walk out the door because we’re late (again) to school”. I’m not doing well with this deep, dark feeling of ‘fuck you! I don’t give a shit!’ because I can’t push and be treated like shit over and over again and keep returning to the ring caring. It. Is. Hard. To. Hug. Thorns. and right now, my rose is all thorns and I’m not doing well with getting scrapped up all the time.

10 Year Old Children Today- Modern Parenting Failure #231

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Enlightened Learning, Parenting and Family Relations

Raising Sexually Retarded Children- Unpopular Parenting in A Radically Modern World

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Healthy Weight Loss & Lifestyle, Parenting and Family Relations

gabi klaf, health and wellness coach, healthy lifestyle coach, family therapsy, mom blog, healthy weight loss for busy moms and dads, inspiration, energy healing, parenting, mindful parenting, clean your soul, inspiration for life,addiction and obsession, chronic pain

“They say that kids who play with their food will have a really great sex life. My daughter is going to be a slut.”

(I wish I remembered who made that up). So, this article is about how to raise sexually retarded kids. Sexually retarded? Why would you do that? Allow me to explain a few things.

I want my kids to have a great sex life, an amazing sex life full of joy and fun and loving intimacy. Our kids have seen too much (including watching us- oh the images!), discussed with us everything including missionaries and sex, and joked with a sexual openness quite advanced for their years. Sex, sexual attraction and jokes, and body changes are all really healthy, natural topics around here. I like it that way. The ‘blow job’ shock, I admit, I was totally unprepared for that one!

But, at the same time, our kids are sexually retarded in this very consciously manipulated way. We believe that modern kids today grow up too fast. Kids are treated and exposed to media and online influences that teaches them that sexuality is cool and desirable as young as possible. When house-sitting in Boquete, Panama, I read Ester’s How to Talk to Your Kids about Sex book by Linda and Richard Eyre. It was amazing and left me with four major insights:

The Space To Be A Woman- A Man Strong Enough To Handle the Feminine Power In Full Force

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Healthy Weight Loss & Lifestyle, Inspiration and Appreciation, Parenting and Family Relations, Who Is Gabi Klaf?

Just got this in Facebook and by the beating of my heart and all that it enlightened in me, I knew there were stories unfolding. Deep ones. Here’s the text that comes with it. Thank you What Evolved Women Want .Thank you for the inspirational art, the words, and the energy that reminds us what love, purpose, sex, and a real relationship is all about.  I believe there is so much, so much, so much to learn here.

THE SPACE TO BE A WOMAN

All women cry, all women rage and all women desire to be ravished.

The average man fears this because they’re things he can’t ‘fix’ or ‘handle’.

“Stop crying!” “Calm down!” “You’re such a freak!” are the last words of the man who lacks the ability to hold the space for the full raw feminine power in a woman.

It takes a strong man to allow her to feel safe enough to be all woman.