And I Was Here- Rebirthing Myself

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Overcoming Ourselves, Parenting and Family Relations, Who Is Gabi Klaf?

 

Green Leaf Plant on Brown Wooden Stump

And so it is, sometimes, or maybe all the time but we just don’t fully realize it… You’re this leaf, vibrant, swaying in the breeze, feeling so alive and lush and moist…. and then you fall, it all does, all at once, and you find yourself in a labyrinth of dryness, death, decay, and darkness. And as you lay there, with all the wind knocked out of you still trying to understand where alive went, you learn. You learn that this is also beautiful. You learn that this is also growth. You learn that this will catapult you on your spiritual journey much more than peace and serenity did. And so you breathe into this, too, and find out how this too can be alive, in different shades and from different directions than you planned but all the same, alive.

And so I’m going through all the lovely and gross, gently high and sharply low, and beautiful shades of being a mom, loving myself, and finding my way. It’s truly exquisite.

I Have Already Arrived- Seeing Butterflies & The Core Essence of What Is

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Chronic Pain and Living Pain-Free, Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Enlightened Learning, Healthy Weight Loss & Lifestyle, Inspiration and Appreciation, Overcoming Ourselves, Who Is Gabi Klaf?

gabi klaf, health and wellness coach, healthy lifestyle coach, family therapsy, mom blog, healthy weight loss for busy moms and dads, inspiration, energy healing, parenting, mindful parenting, clean your soul, inspiration for life,addiction and obsession, chronic pain, i've already arrived, seeing the butterflies

Butterflies dance and play before me. They flit and flutter and flirt with my soul. They always have, they always do. Sometimes, I just don’t see them. I’m a good student here on Earth School. I’ve failed several times and keep coming back to learn, EVER SO SLOWLY, my blessed lessons. I’ve been missing the butterflies cuz I keep going off somewhere else. Emotionally that is. Physically I’m very much in the room with you, or my kids, or my husband; but, emotionally I’m off far, far away in the past, the present, or in rejecting What Is.

I’ve long stopped believing that this product or that one would make me happy. I’ve long stopped holding my breath for this amount of money or fame to make me truly satisfied. I’ve graduated at least to grade three or four now. I’m currently figuring out that this course, this guru, this healing method, and that relationship won’t fix me. I still think people will make me whole and I’m desperately holding onto the idea that this exercise/diet/method will bring me a body that will be so damn sexy I won’t find any fault with it.

And now, I’m getting it. So many angels later, so many holograms smacking me upside the face later and I’m slowly getting it that I’VE ARRIVED ALREADY!

Chronic Pain and Body Malfunction- The Impossibility of Doing Nothing- Part Six

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Addiction and Obsession, Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Enlightened Learning, Healthy Weight Loss & Lifestyle, Overcoming Ourselves, Who Is Gabi Klaf?

gabi klaf, health and wellness coach, healthy lifestyle coach, family therapsy, mom blog, healthy weight loss for busy moms and dads, inspiration, energy healing, parenting, mindful parenting, clean your soul, inspiration for life,addiction and obsession,

THE IMPOSSIBILITY OF DOING NOTHING: That’s what’s so hard here. Not only do I feel totally frustrated. You may as well put me in diapers now. It’s maddening to be constantly correcting yourself over things that you never, ever even gave thought to. And it’s stuff in your face all day long. Remember, I cannot sit, stand, walk, or pick up things correctly. That’s a shitload of correctiveness for one person. And then- the exercises.

A- They are not exercises that I can do and check off my to do list. They are a way of life. Well damn, that’s never getting checked off is it?

B- It’s not Eye of the Tiger go do it! Be strong! Conquer. That’s what got me into a lot of this mess, or exasperated it times 300. My way to get over my addiction was to run, work out, push myself, tone up like a madman. And I was.

Chronic Pain and Body Malfunction- Overwhelm After The Confidence Wanes- Part Five

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Overcoming Ourselves, Who Is Gabi Klaf?

gabi klaf, health and wellness coach, healthy lifestyle coach, family therapsy, mom blog, healthy weight loss for busy moms and dads, inspiration, energy healing, parenting, mindful parenting, clean your soul, inspiration for life,addiction and obsession, chronic pain

I cannot straighten my body. I am locked, like a pretzel down, hunched, worse than what the cane-walking-elderly-lady-looks-like-in-an-old-movie hunched. I cannot stand. I have just watched an hour and a half movie. This happens whenever I sit for too long. I get trapped in my own tension. My body is chronically tight, wound up so taunt that it cannot even begin to imagine how to breathe it out. I was so empowered, so determined that I can do this, because I can. I can do anything. I got over the unspeakable abyss of insane desire, I will not give up in holding at bay this untamable beast, and I even lost 30 pounds. I can do anything. Anything. Anything, even at the cost of pissing off friends. At all costs, I can. Always.

And so, I was that excited, that woo-hoo-ing my journey, and like it came on so euphorically positive, it crashes that realistically negative. Can I do this?

Chronic Pain and Body Malfunction- What The Hell Do I Do With Myself- Part 3

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Chronic Pain and Living Pain-Free, Healthy Weight Loss & Lifestyle, Overcoming Ourselves, Who Is Gabi Klaf?

gabi klaf, health and wellness coach, healthy lifestyle coach, family therapsy, mom blog, healthy weight loss for busy moms and dads, inspiration, energy healing, parenting, mindful parenting, clean your soul, inspiration for life,addiction and obsession, chronic pain

Slowly it’s seeping in how bad things are in my body, how off my entire body is. Maybe a reflection of my soul-state, maybe an expression of emotional unresolved issues I’m still carrying around, and/or maybe just evidence of not using my body-machine correctly.

It’s not pretty but so it is. And it’s totally bashing in my ego and all the “I Am Healthy” messages I thought I was. And I was, I was, and I am but this is something deeper, a different section of being blind to my own healthy development. And here is another video of my trying to figure out What The Hell Do I Do With Myself.

My Addiction- Accepting and Releasing: Part 9

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Addiction and Obsession, Overcoming Ourselves, Who Is Gabi Klaf?

gabi klaf, health and wellness coach, healthy lifestyle coach, family therapsy, mom blog, healthy weight loss for busy moms and dads, inspiration, energy healing, parenting, mindful parenting, clean your soul, inspiration for life,addiction and obsession,

“I shall go the way of the open sea, to the land I knew before you came, and the cool ocean breezes shall blow me from the memory of your name.” Laurence Hope

I’m spending a lot of time facing the Pacific Ocean, and sometimes; I feel that way. That I wish it just never happened, I wish I had not fallen into that whirlwind, I wish my soul did not connect so deeply/need so badly/love so fully the heart/space/addiction/drug of that which was. Do you ever wish you could erase that addiction, that drug, that alcohol, that entire phase in your life where you lost touch with reality to something that gave you that adrenaline rush that you thought was real? Sometimes, I still wish I could erase all that was, that it would have never existed, for surely the pain I have gone through filling the void where my addiction once so significantly stood; has been soul-wrenching. But then a stronger knowing comes….

Sixty Eight Days of Silence- What Happens When Life Flows So Fast You Begin To Drown

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Healthy Weight Loss & Lifestyle, Inspiration and Appreciation, Overcoming Ourselves, Vipassana Meditation, Who Is Gabi Klaf?

Oh my loves. How I’ve missed writing/sharing/being with you. Or have I just missed myself and how I reflect the light of who I am off your eyes when I write here? Hmmm…

How glorious would it have been to spend sixty eight days in utter silence? I did it for ten days in my first Vippasana Meditation outside of Battambang, Cambodia and there, was filled with such peace and three times, insights that made the entire puzzle of my life fit together. For those moments, those three times, looking up at at at at at stars, nothing but darkness and stars, crying, I felt all who I was, the energy of me, finally, deeply, truly taste freedom of body. I knew for a few minutes there that I am all frequency, that everything changes, and that I’m so deeply blessed to get to be a part of the life school.

Where Did You Go, My Love? Where Did You Go? Healing and Hiking- Katmandu, Nepal

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Healthy Weight Loss & Lifestyle, Inspiration and Appreciation, Who Is Gabi Klaf?

I have so much to say to you long-lost friend. I have so many half-written posts on draft that I just have to sit down and finish up for your reading pleasure. I have much to share and yet, in 100% honesty, I’d rather be strumming on the guitar. Why?

Cuz I have fears and I have things to do
and both don’t encourage me to sit too much on this blog, my soul-spot. Fears that I’ll be one of those old ladies with the bent back and shortened posture when I am still very young. I want to be sexy and alive and 30 pounds lights yoga master, model of natural living and health and meditation. I want to be my own goddess of body, mind, soul and my body thinks otherwise. I fear this. And so, try to move a lot and not be on the computer a third of the time I used to be.

When Your Body Doesn’t Do What You Want It To- Gratefulness, Overwhelm, and Determination – Part Two

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Chronic Pain and Living Pain-Free, Energy, Light, & Self-Healing, Healthy Weight Loss & Lifestyle, Overcoming Ourselves, Who Is Gabi Klaf?

gabi klaf, health and wellness coach, healthy lifestyle coach, family therapsy, mom blog, healthy weight loss for busy moms and dads, inspiration, energy healing, parenting, mindful parenting, clean your soul, inspiration for life,addiction and obsession,

So, it’s much more serious than I thought. Basically, and I quote, ” What took you forty years to ruin, will take you a year of hard work to fix.” I can do that. I am determined and ready to do the work I need to make my body optimal. It’s crazy how I thought I was so healthy, so into raw food. I lost 30 pounds, toned my body, and have been eating such non-fried, not-too-much-carbs, very little meat and sugar sorts of food. So why did I just fumble around in Kobi’s backpack for the snickers bar that wasn’t there? And why did I feel like a crackhead in withdrawal with terrible shakes when this quick fix isn’t?

So, this journey is long and powerful and amazing. And I’m swishing and swashing like in a washing machine, being pulled and twisted between gratefulness at finally understanding the way to solve my life-long health issues, overwhelm when I realize how much there is before me and how hard this is to retrain every bit of who I am, and determination to face this mountain too, and overcome it.

When Your Body Doesn’t Do What You Want It To- Mommy Tummy and Other Plumbing Frustrations- Part One

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Chronic Pain and Living Pain-Free, Healthy Weight Loss & Lifestyle, Overcoming Ourselves, Who Is Gabi Klaf?

So, you may know that my plumbing is all messed up. Well, actually, how would you, I’ve never talked about it. So, here’s the deal. Even before kids, but definitively worse since the birth of my last child, my entire digestive/excretion/stomach systems have been mis-wired, plugged up, and not flowing well. Yes, having children born in 2002, 2003, and 2004 may not have been the wisest choice for my sweet body. The only reason we didn’t have intended Baby #4 in 2005 was because of that one physician who thought the mess until my belly button from the umbilical hernia surgery may get intertwined and complicated with another immediate birth. The dear nurse in the hospital had no idea why we burst into laughter when she asked the date of my last period. Between births and breastfeeding, we had to count back years. In month 2 of pregnancy, I looked like month 9 cuz my stomach went, “Oh, I remember this!” and popped out so far that my sister-in-laws would laugh and say I’d need a tent by month 6. Yes, very funny, I know. But, it really was so pitiful all you could do was laugh.

Years after kids, I’d look seven months pregnant by the end of the day, and even worse when I had to go to the bathroom. I was constantly bloated and heavy every single night. So uncomfortable. The heaviness was tough, feeling that unattractive was tough, going to the bathroom was tough. I no longer could go to the bathroom in the regular way people go to the bathroom. I’ll spare you the details. Things overlapped, got tangled, and all messed up. I went to dieticians, gynecologists, and many experts that random people referred me to. I got prodded and poked in a million ways and got nothing. I remember years ago, actually, before I even had the kids, I sat down with this really big wig dietician and told him proudly that I don’t eat white bread or pasta, don’t drink coffee or cola, don’t, don’t, don’t and he writes this all down on his little pad (he was probably just doodling and trying to look engaged). He puts down his drawings, pulls his glasses to the very rim of his nose, and asks, “And you enjoy this form of living?” He dubbed me ‘Irregular Bowel Syndrome’ and charged me $200 for the visit. Thanks Doc.

The following is my journey through this entanglement towards clarity and solutions. Finally, solutions.