How To Love Myself- Part 1

Written by Gabi on . Posted in Buddhism, Energy, Light, & Self-Healing

Louis Hay says that all humans suffer from not loving themselves and guilt. What a shame that that is what we all share: a mountain of barriers to loving ourselves and a few pounds of guilt. I worked with a brilliant, beautiful young soul this week who does not love herself. She does not. She has lots of reasons why. She justifies well. “You know, I, I, I guess it’s just a funny situation,” she says. And so, I dedicated  Monday’s Clean Your Soul class to love. This four-part series looks at four magnificent quotes and some marvelously deep and moving conversational points to guide us to our own deep, light-ful, maternal love. Enjoy!

I wrote on the board four quotes. Let’s look at them together. They are lovely.


The Bridge to Myself


“Love is the process of leading you gently back to yourself.”

It’s one of my all-time favorite quotes. Leo Buscaglia in Living, Loving, and Learning spoke of the purest, truest essence of a teacher. He says a teacher is not someone who teaches you something you didn’t already know. He is simply one who takes you to the bridge that brings you back to yourself. “Love is the process of leading you gently back to yourself.”

Wow. So, I’ve known. I’ve known all along. My soul knew. I wasn’t born with self-defeating thoughts and layers of protection and scars and experiences that have made me forget my purest, God-lit self. When my soul first came to this earth, it was love, only love. But, my parents told me things; classmates, teachers, television told me things; there was that time when… this, and that, oh, and that; and slowly, I lost myself. I just lost her. And I’ve been spending a long time seeking her.

“Love is the process of leading you gently back to yourself.” That is love. Love, not to another, not needing, not dependent of someone else to make me whole; but to me, me, me, me. Kobi does mantras with the kids at night. Last night, I sat outside the room and wrote down his wise, maternal bear-like beauty filtering through the window. “I love myself. I love myself. I love myself.” The kids repeat . “I love myself,” emphasis on love, more loudly. They repeat.

I tell the group, “Love is loving myself, remembering my own beautiful, perfect self, exactly as I am.” One of the girls in the group winces as I say that. “I’m not perfect,” she shuffles around, yet again. “Yes you are,” I tell her. “You are perfect exactly as you are, today, right now, with all your fuck ups and mistakes and character flaws. You are perfect.” She bows her head. “Listen,” I’m pushing here.

If you knew how to do it some other way, you would. I don’t mean if your mind tells you to ‘be nicer, don’t binge eat, don’t fight with him like that’; but if your soul knew how to do it a better way, it would. But it can only do what it knows how to do right now. And when it knows something better, it will do that. So, right now, with all of your fuck ups and repeated mistakes and stuck-ness, you are perfect. You are the absolute most complete, whole, light-filled you that you can be. Utter perfection. Right now. Not when you lose ten pounds, not when you get to Vietnam, not when you buy that house, not when you find the perfect spouse, not when you finish your degree. Right now. Perfect. “

But I Can’t See My Own Perfection

“I’m so very far from perfect, Gabi.”

You may feel that way, I know. I’ve been there, deep, deep in there. It’s easy to lose this maternal bond to ourselves. It is easy to let criticism and guilt take over the conversation to myself. I can, you can, we all can create a new conversation, one that actually can acknowledges how perfect we are today.

“But if I see myself as perfect, I won’t ever reach my goals. I won’t push myself, cuz, I’m already perfect.”

I know you see this as so. Most everyone used to, too.

Consider this. It’s important.

I want to become my next best self. I always want to stretch myself to new directions that will develop my body, mind, and soul. I want to reach new heights that will require me to push. But, if I’m beating myself up, I reduce my transformational life energy to almost nothing. I will first have to expend a whole bunch of energy just to scrap myself up off the rocks I’ve just crashed and burned upon.

If I love myself and am proud of myself; then I bring into any change process the positive, flowing energy of wondrous potential. When my ground zero is love, I will create a contagious, open, flowing motion of great strength. Self-doubt and criticism are closed energetically; love is wide open. Open energy is the basis of fast-moving transformational miracles. It is from this core that we become a magnet that will bring to us all that we ever hoped and dreamed for.

When we are aiming to change, we want to be in love with who we are, where we are, and the road before us. We’ll talk about that road now..

Earth Perfection vs. Spiritual Perfection

“Here’s a list of all the reasons why I’m not perfect. I’m not perfect, ” and you know what you’re saying.

“Shhh,” I nod,” in Earth terms, neither am I.”

In Earth-terms, none of us are perfect, whole, complete. None of us, except maybe that darling cherub baby born with ten fingers and ten toes who no expects anything from, other than being perfect the way she is. In Earth-terms, especially modern Earth-terms, ‘perfection’ becomes no longer aiming, growing, developing. ‘Perfect’ reflects a slothfulness toward reaching that next goal, pushing ourselves toward our fullest potential, going outside of our comfort zone to discover our own greatness. In Earth-terms, saying you are perfect is an arrogant man’s cover-all excuse for going nowhere.

But Earth terminology is limited to the knowledge of mankind, to the imprecision of words. There is knowledge far greater, wider, truer than the conventionalities we’ve been raised to believe in. There is [inspirational music, please]….. spiritual perfection.

Spiritual perfection is the natural and proper rhythm of the Universe. It’s that rug weaving its own intricate design that I can’t possibly see when I am within the criss-crossing fibers currently becoming. The Spiritual Perfection knows that things happen according to the right time, path and direction that they are meant to happen in. Or, they don’t happen. But that is what is, and that is the truth, that is the perfection. My opinion, my frustration, my Earthly painful reaction may want to lose weight, stop missing him so, finally make enough money to get by now, but the Universe doesn’t care.

She doesn’t care, not because she is cold and heartless; but, because she is paving that path you are meant to learn from, and you will stay on that path for just as long as you are meant to in order to learn your lessons. So, right now may down-right suck; but, it’s perfect. It sucks just perfectly. It sucks exactly as it is supposed to suck in order to take you to that next,better place.

So, you see, you are perfect and are worthy of loving yourself, as you are, right now.

We’ll continue this discussion, I promise. Please share with me what comes up for you, what resistance arises for you as you read this. I would be honored to answer you personally, as we’ll continue to face this in our series.

How To Love Myself: Part Two

You can always find me here on this enlightenment blog, on twitter, on YouTube, and in Facebook. I’d be so honored to connect with you, and together, we’ll just keep vibrating the good stuff off each other!



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Comments (4)

  • Wendy


    Loving myself is something I doubt will manage anytime soon. I know I can’t undo the mistakes I have made, and am gradually learning to tell myself I did my best. It may not have been perfect, but I did what I could at the time. But it still hurts………..


    • Gabi


      Wendy, I know. We’ve all made mistakes. We all have. but tell me this, “if, if, if you would have known to do it differently then, wouldn’t you have? if you had known, but really had known how to act, think, feel, do differently, you would have done it that better way.” But you didn’t, so you did it as you could then. and, for then, it was just perfect. hug yourself wendy. i am. and i’m hugging myself too. 🙂


  • Wendy


    Thanks Gabi – I will learn someday <3


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